What Should I Do To Get Sole Custody Of My Kids?

The tendency nowadays is to give divorcing parents joint custody of their children. The thinking is that both parents should be involved in rearing their children. This is fine as far as it goes, but there are situations when the parents can't work together, and sole custody is the only answer.
There is no one way for a member of a divorcing couple to be guaranteed sole custody. If one of the parents behaves in a way that makes joint custody impractical, it might be something a judge would consider in making a custody decision. The uncooperative parent who demands sole custody may find that the judge will grant it, but to her ex instead of her. Ultimately, however, the judge has to consider what is in the child's best interest, and there are good reasons for a judge to agree with the parent who requests sole custody.
Make a list of the reasons that you feel your ex has failed as a parent. Is he an alcoholic or a drug addict? Does she go out with her buddies leaving you as primary caretaker? Is he violent with you or your children? Now, ask yourself, how am I going to prove this?"
The court won't care whether the two of you like each other. It's main interest will be to protect the child from either parent's shortcomings. If there are drugs or alcohol involved on one side, the other parent will probably be better qualified to have primary responsibility for the child.
Has the other parent abused you or your child? If she has, you will have to get your local welfare department involved. It will investigate both of you. If the child is found to be injured, he or she can be placed in foster care while the truth of the parent's accusations against each other are sorted out.
Another possibility is hiring a custody evaluator or guardian ad litem. These professionals can prepare reports for the court after they investigate both party's lives and homes. They will also be entitled to any reports that others have made regarding your child, such as report cards, doctor's records and teacher reports. Your income may also be relevant. You may even have to get references from the people who know you. In short, asking for sole custody is an uphill battle unless your ex's defects are so glaring that even the judge can pick them out in the few hours you'll have to convince him at your final hearing.
The court has broad powers to do what it thinks best in a custody dispute. The child can be awarded to both parents or can be placed under the sole authority of one. Given a choice, most judges believe that joint custody gives the child more opportunities to know and be raised by both parents. Because of this, they are likely to believe that joint custody is a better deal for the child. However, if the parents won't work with each other, the court will have to give primary responsibility for the child's care to one of them.

Give yourself a break! Divorce is hard, and you can't help but feel overwhelmed buy the many decisions that have to be made. You'll get all the answers you need at http://www.yourlawlady.com Have a question about your own case? I'll answer you questions for free at AskYourLawLady@yourlawlady.com

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Divorce: My Ex's Lawyer Wants ANOTHER Continuance?

Do you have any idea how busy our courts are? You do if you've ever gotten divorced. You ask for your divorce to be set for a hearing, and you get a date for 3 months later, if you're lucky. Then, and it never fails, opposing counsel requests a continuance because he is in a golf tournament, and the championship round happens to take place on the same date as your final hearing. Then, you are given another date 3 months down the line, and, you probably know the rest.
To a client, one of the most frustrating motions is a request for a continuance. This motion can be filed for almost any reason. The most common cause for a continuance is that counsel needs additional time to prepare for the case. New information can slow things down. Refusing to cooperate with discovery requests or to follow court orders can impact how quickly a divorce can be finished.
Sometimes, the court sets the date without consulting the lawyers first, and the date the judge selects on his own coincides with another hearing or trial a lawyer has to attend. Sometimes, either the judge or one of the lawyers decides that the scheduled date for the hearing would be a wonderful time for a vacation. Sometimes, clients request continuances because they want to slow down the divorce process.
If you are representing yourself, and you need a continuance, make sure you get your request in as soon as possible. Preparing for a case takes time and energy. If your ex has an attorney, and you don't give him or her enough warning to spend her time on something else besides your ex's case, your ex may request attorney's fees for the lawyer's wasted effort.
If you have a family emergency, attach any document that will tell the court that your request was based on genuine need. Documentation from your doctor, the local funeral director or a subpoena from another court requiring your presence on the same date are examples of good reasons to ask the court to postpone a hearing.
Simply write a letter to the court telling the judge that your hearing is currently scheduled for a certain time and date. Write a sentence explaining why you need additional time or another date, and attach any documents you have that prove why you need another date. Make sure your name and address and your ex's name and address, or his attorney's name and address are included in your letter, and take the letter to the judge's office.
Tell his or her secretary that you are asking for a continuance so that she'll know to direct it to the judge's attention. She will also be able to tell you when you should expect to hear from the court. If you have filed as soon as you knew you would need a continuance, your chances of success are much better. The court's concern would be making sure the other side is aware of your request and giving it a chance to object.

If you're going through a divorce, you need all the friends you can find. Not only will I be that friend, but my 31 years as a family lawyer will give you a leg up on what to expect from the legal system. Visit me at:
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Divorce Begins With Understanding Jurisdiction And Venue

Venue and jurisdiction may strike you as about as interesting as watching paint dry. However, knowing what they mean may help you understand the divorce process a little better. The more information you have, the more control you will have over your own divorce case.
Jurisdiction addresses the court's authority to rule on certain matters. This power can result from the court's location. Each judge has a certain county or area in which she has authority. Any dispute that fits what the legislature has mandated as the job of that court would come before that judge unless there is a change of venue. Any court in the state that has been given the same authority can rule on any case in the state that is similar.
Jurisdiction also speaks to the cases the state's legislature has assigned to that kind of court. This is to say that your local small claims court may not have the authority to hear your divorce, but does have the power to "adjudicate" or rule on traffic offenses. In addition, the authority of a judge to rule in a particular matter may be determined by the existence of certain conditions. For instance, a judge does not have the jurisdiction to grant a divorce before his state's cooling off period has elapsed.
In many instances, a court's jurisdiction overlaps. This means that several courts in the same county can have the same level of authority. In these situations, the judges may divide up the kinds of cases they will hear among themselves. Thus, although the juvenile court judge may have the legislative power to handle divorces, the cases she presides over may be limited to those matters involving children. In the same county, there may be a judge whose job is strictly managing divorce cases. If you are handling your own divorce, your court's clerk will be able to tell you where you will need to file your petition.
Venue is a simpler concept. It has more to do with the convenience of the parties than a given court's legislative authority. The idea is that a person shouldn't have to defend his interests in a court that is across the state from where he, or the opposing party has any connection, even if the judge in question has the appropriate power to hear the case. If you file in the wrong county, your ex could have the right to make you bring the case to the appropriate county at your expense.
You can ask that your case be "venue" away from the judge who normally hears divorces if you are not confident that he will give you a fair hearing. Several alternative judges will be offered, and you will have to strike or eliminate one. Next, your ex will choose one to eliminate, and the one remaining will sit on your case.

Are you feeling stranded on a dessert island surrounded by paper and processes you don't understand? Most divorces are hard enough without the confusion. I'll rescue you and get you back to solid land by explaining divorce in clear language that won't bog you down with a bunch of confusing jargon. Visit me at:
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Divorce: Helping Your Teen Cope With The Changes In Your Family

Teenagers are the victims of their own inexperience. Anything that shows up on their radar is about them. Your teen-ager is likely to be confused and possibly angry about your divorce. Their biggest concern will be how your decision to end your marriage effects them. Thus, they are likely to see the end of their home as they know it as something you and their other parent are doing to them, rather than just a bad relationship between two adults.
Teenagers are not children. They aren't looking to you for solutions to their problems. They are more likely to share their concerns with, and take advice from, their inexperienced friends. This is normal, but it can lead to misconceptions about you and your reasons for divorcing. If you try to justify your decision, you will only prompt one of those arguments that end with screaming and door slamming.
Teens are used to being put under a social microscope themselves, and aren't the least hesitant to make judgments about what you and their other parent are doing to the family. In their minds, your divorce could be avoided if you cared about them, or your family. In their view, you are being selfish if you aren't doing everything you can to make their lives easier.
Don't be too hard on your teens. Pick your battles carefully. If your kid wants to defy your authority by wearing spiked, pink hair, cheer up, it will grow out and your child will grow up. If he uses your family problems as an excuse to do drugs, you will have to do anything in your power to stop him.
Don't impose rules on your teen. "Because I said so" and "do as I say, not as I do" has no credibility with a kid. Tell her what you expect, and tell her why. Listen to her responses. If you and she negotiate the rules together, she will feel more like she is living up to her end of a bargain rather then obeying a tyrant.
Again, consider your own adolescence. What you agreed to do was much more palatable then what you were forced to do., wasn't it?
The best thing you can do is listen to what your teen is telling you without judgment. Asking questions like "how did that feel?" or "how are you going to handle it?" is much more likely to end in an honest discussion then being angry or resentful about your child's attitudes and actions. judgments like "that was stupid" or "I thought I raised you better then that" only breeds frustration and mistrust. Kids always respond better to gentle guidance then they do to commands. They may not always make the choices you would have them make. However, they are much more likely to accept the reality of your divorce and adjust to the new situation if you give them time to come to their own conclusions, and give them the space they need to get their minds around the situation in an adult way.

Don't just get mad. Protect yourself by learning how to make your divorce cheaper, fairer and a lot quicker. Get the info you need at http://www.yourlawlady.com or write to me for advice about your case at AskYourLawLady@yourlawlady.com

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Child Custody: 3 Things Your Judge Will Consider

In general, divorce is governed by individual state laws. The requirements are worded differently in each jurisdiction. However, when it comes to child custody, the factors the court will consider are pretty consistent. Here are a few things the judge will look at if he or she is called upon to determine what is in the best interests of a child whose parents are divorcing. Each state lists factors that its courts must consider in a child custody dispute. Here are 3 of the more common ones:
1. The age and gender of the child can have some bearing on where he or she should be placed. A 3 year old boy might be equally well placed with his mother or father, while a his 12 year old brother may need his father's firm hand. A small girl may adjust well to either parent's home, but her older sister may need understanding from a woman who has had similar experiences growing up female.
2. The child's preferences can be considered. The judge can take evidence from a boy or girl who is old enough to understand the seriousness of the decision being made. If he is a mature 10 year old who wants to live with his dad, the judge would take his reasons more seriously than if he is a spoiled brat whose only interest is buddying up to the parent who gives him his own way. The child doesn't get to pick where he will live, but his preferences can be relevant to the final custody decision.
3. The child's relationship with other people in his parents' respective homes is important. If Dad lives with a new woman the child doesn't like, he may be placed with his mother. If she feels better understood by her mother than her father, she will probably be placed with her mom. If the child is too immature to have a well thought opinion, the judge would not emphasize this factor in reaching a decision.
No one factor is more important than others in a child custody dispute. Most times, both parents meet any criteria the judge cares to impose. In addition, the judge isn't limited to the considerations set out in your state's child custody laws. However, if one of the parents is more qualified to be responsible for the children under the statute, he or she is most likely to be awarded custody.

Take a proactive part in your family law case by learning about our courts before your divorce. Visit me at:
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A Father's Divorce

I have prepared enough divorces over the years that I have been able to observe patterns. One of the most heartbreaking patterns is the fact that in many divorces, the father gets cut out of his child's life.
Every state is governed by different laws. Some states have been quicker to act on this growing trend but still fall short in protecting the rights of a father.
I realize this is probably going to cause a stir and I expect negative feedback from writing this and I am alright with this because it needs to be addressed.
Over the years I have become an unofficial cheerleader for fathers. What most do not stop to understand is that I am not rallying so much for the father's but for the children.
As an adopted child I have a different view on parenting and the importance for co parenting. Regardless of anything, people can and should put their efforts into constructive co parenting. A child will never have "too much love" and in my opinion, a child with ongoing relationships with both parents will grow up emotionally healthier.
Sure, there are instances that would warrant a change in this mindset but as a whole, neither parent should be deemed as more important. There is a reason it takes two people to create a child and both parents should be acknowledged and given an equal voice in the upbringing of the child.
Going through a divorce is a highly emotional time. Often times it may be difficult to take a step back and look at the whole picture. I strongly suggest doing this and write down your wishes regarding your child. This will help negotiate a fair and friendly arrangement with regards to the child.
Sometimes this means you have to separate the pain and anger from the good to recognize what is best for the child. It may not be what is best for you but think about what is best for your child. After all, isn't this the job description of a parent? Making the best decisions possible for your child is your job as a parent.
I have negotiated a good parenting plan with parents who are so emotionally over the top with anger and pain so I know it can be done, even in the worst possible situations.
It takes strength to be able to do this but it is probably the most important part of a divorce. It is human nature for us to be so angry because of behavior and heartbreak that we can lose sight over what is truly important.
As an adopted child I grew up virtually without a father and a mother who really did not want anything to do with me and I can speak from experience when I say that the one thing I wished for as a child was a good relationship with my father.
I went on to raise my own kids without their father and it was not by my choice. I went to extremes to try to include their father in their lives. I have no regrets about that because at the end of the day, I know in my heart I did all that I could to foster a good and healthy relationship and I believe my kids are better for it.
Being a bad husband does not mean someone is a bad father. I have seen so many cases where children are used as pawns as a sort of payback for mistakes made during a marriage. I feel this is terribly unfair, not only to the father but to the children. Why should the children be punished?
If your marriage is over, separate the marriage from the children. It is extremely important to be able to do this to give your child security. Children are not equipped to handle adult issues.
Just because you are going through a divorce this does not mean that one parent should be separated both physically and emotionally from a child.
I often give parents a list of things to help keep arguing to a minimum when dealing with the parenting aspect of a divorce. It can be a difficult adjustment but there are things both parents can do to make sure the situation does not have a negative impact on the child.
First and foremost, do not attempt to separate your child from the other parent. You are hurting your child by doing this. No responsible parent should ever try to ruin a relationship between the other parent and the child.
I have listened to countless women say that they are going to cut the father out of their child's life to "make him pay" for mistakes made during the marriage. As a female, I can understand the emotional toll that a bad marriage can take but this is not license to hurt your children. You may be hurting him and you may believe that he deserves it but look into the face or faces or your precious children and ask yourself if this is what they deserve?
No child can ever have too much love and too many people who want the best for them, why would anyone want to take this away?

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Why Are People Becoming Divorced In Mid-Life?

The divorce rate is quite high for those who spent decades together hitting into mid-life. What exactly has gone so wrong in these marriages? I think many of those couples who married in their mid-twenties believed in more of an idealistic life. They would work, buy a home, have children bring them up and then retire growing old together. However many life events take place from the start to retirement that put strain on a marriage. Things like possible illness, deaths of those close, job losses, monetary problems, and variety of other event's that can cripple a relationship. Perhaps having gone through those trials and tribulations changes one or both partner's ideologies. Then in mid-life what they wanted originally in their twenties is not the same as now. They come to realize there is more behind them then in front, and this mid-life crisis and menopause for women is an extremely hard reflective period.
One must also consider that most likely the relationship had been put on the back burner for many years. The responsibilities of children and finances left little time for romance and nurturing the relationship. Probably they started growing apart not realizing it by keeping their routines and traditions intact. Once the kids were grown, just being them, the realization was this not the person I married. I'm sure many tried to compromise get that spark going again, but at the end of the day in most cases I've seen it doesn't work out in the long run. I know I'm painting a pretty gloomy picture of marriage, but in all fairness there are those who are truly happy together for their entire lives. Divorce statistics show 70,000 couples in 2008 broke-up, not all middle age people but that is a serious amount. Vows like in sickness and health until death do us part seem to be more words, or at the time they believed in what they were promising but life gets in the way I guess!
People I know who became divorced in their 40s and 50s are bitter, angry, and will only accept the concept of relationship if it is all in their favor. I'm not exactly sure yet if people can be together happily in a relationship for the entirety of their adult lives. The point is are experiences shape who we become and who we are, being married for decades those changes are inevitable. The difference between those who stay married and those who do not is simply growing together or growing a part. Marriage is hard work which doesn't always have immediate rewards for time served. My last comment on this topic is, if you are young found the person you want share the rest of your life with, then use your head as well as your heart. You'll be much happier and in doing so might have an extraordinary life long marriage!

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I Know You Don't Like Me

I know you don't like me and it's the BEST thing for me you see.
Because it means I'm moving on up. Outta here. Outta that energy that you used to be attracted to. You know - the energy I used to emit that said - use me.
Don't respect me, or my time. De-value what I do.
Yes, you only liked me when I:

• Didn't stand up for myself
• Didn't call boundaries
• Squashed my voice
• Shrunk to fit you
• Said yes to you and no to me
• Gave you everything and gave myself nothing

You only liked me when you could get your own way.
So I know you don't like me anymore. Because I won't play your game. I won't pretend that you are right and I am wrong.
I won't hear your voice, your needs, your whatever louder than mine.
I will no longer play subservient to you. Because it doesn't suit me anymore - because it doesn't make me happy - it only makes you happy, you rich, you more selfish as time moves on.
I will stop placing you above me. Whether you are my husband, boss, best friend, lover. Because I can shout, scream - I can plead... but I realise... you don't hear me.
I can drag a horse to water, but I cannot make it drink. I can't make you see, or heal around this: No matter what I do or say you haven't moved on up.
And God knows I've tried to make you see and it's made me so sad inside.
And so I'm left with a choice:
Stay with you and be liked.
Or
Leave you and accept that you probably won't like me anymore.
And you not liking me anymore?
Well it will feel lonely for a while and I'm scared of that.
Until I remember:
That every time you get annoyed with me for not agreeing with you, giving to you, being a slave to you - it's the Goddess sign that I'm on my way UP!
Every time you get cross with me, disappointed with me, tell me I'm wrong... it's my special sign that I'm moving on out of this crazy stupid disempowering story (that I used to love sharing with you!) And I'm on my way UP..UP..UP!!
And what am I going to find UP there away from you?
Others who value me, give me space to talk, allow me to be unapologetically me and LOVE me for it!! Here I am safe to be me. In all my pinkness! In all my womanliness! I am safe to talk. I am safe to say how I feel and I am safe to share what I want without being wronged, without being made to feel guilty.
Here it is right to be me. Right to wear whatever I want no matter how short, because you are responsible for how YOU behave.
Not me. Not ever.
That would be wrong for me to assume responsibility for me and for you two.
Here I become empowered - I become the biggest brightest most outrageous me ever. Here no-one over shadows me, no-one brings me down. Because it is no longer right.
Here I am allowed to ROCK my bright pink feminine energy! Here I am allowed to cry, feel, have BIG needs, BIG desires, want MORE for me which you used to think unreasonable but now I LOVE my unreasonableness! Because dammit - that's me! I am allowed to change my mind at the drop of a hat - am I too much for you? GOOD! It means I am on my way UP!
Darling Goddess - in light of International Women's Day this past March 8th I thought it very fitting to write to you about something that is very important for you to feel good about.
And that is: Raising your standards for YOU!
You see amongst my usual coaching of women to raise their standards for themselves I've been reading about India's growing intolerance of sexual crimes against women.
It made me cry.
And then I punched the air: India is beginning to wake up and realise it deserves to treat women with the upmost respect.
We are the bringers of life. You are the bringer of life and love, and you must respect yourself.
Keep your standards HIGH for yourself! Those that react badly to you - whether a friend, a boss, a client, your husband, boyfriend, partner - whomever... Those who react badly to you in keeping your standards high - to you calling your boundaries? They're just not ready to rise up with you.
Send them love but don't compromise and drop down to them because they don't like you anymore. Because they accuse you of being mean, because they say in essence - who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
You are an incredible Goddess who deserves to lead the little girls of this world into the BEST life this lifetime!! You are PINK POWER, gorgeousness, fabulousness all rolled into one!
I want you batting your crazy pink sparkly eyelids at the next little girl that looks up at you because you'll know that being a girl - being a woman is so COOL when you keep high standards for yourself. Because then everyone has to or they'll just drop away leaving room only for those that do!
If you compromise now - who is she going to look up to?
Who are the men going to look up to?
Who am I going to look up to?
You know it NEVER feels good in your gut when you silence your voice, when you don't follow your gut, your heart - your yearnings.
And Goddess - how on earth will the men of this planet lift their vibration towards women - their respect towards women if you're not willing to uphold yours?
I'd love to hear what you think in the comments below! Have you shrunk yourself to fit another? What happened? You on your way UP yet??

I have free resources for you if you're wanting support for you and for you and him or for you after divorce - you can begin with the article "Oh My God Yes I'm Worth It!" Because you are! Click here https://marinaj.net/marinaj-coaching-programs/begin/
You can also sign up to receive inspiration from me regularly so you take the action you deserve. On signing up you'll also receive an audio to FREE yourself from self-sabotage, just pop your name and e-mail into the pink box here https://marinaj.net
My love to you
Marina xx

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How to Overcome Divorce Using Five Tips

Going through a divorce is difficult. Not only will you have to experience the details of the divorce, but you will also feel abandoned, neglected and betrayed. You may be comforted by learning that many have been through it already. Here are some proven techniques that you can use to move forward and contain negative emotions. Try the following strategies to overcome emotional tribulations that will come with your divorce.
1. Continue cooperating with your ex-spouse. Do not be afraid to get in touch with neighbours, relatives and friends. Get in contact with a counsellor or local support group for more aid. In case it is too difficult for you to remain cooperative with your ex-wife in any way, make sure you receive enough legal help regarding any issues that may arise. If there are any children involved, it is better for you to be as nice as possible to each other.
2. Wait for the right time to begin dating. When you are just out of a divorce, having friends instead of a love relationship is more comforting. Being in a relationship soon after a divorce would lead to heartbreak because you will be emotionally vulnerable. When you enter into a relationship, you will want to think positively about it. These positive thoughts are difficult to come across right after a divorce.
3. Remain as calm as you can be. Panicking will worsen your challenges. If you stay calm, you will find it easy to continue handling your daily obligation such as work and other responsibilities. If you want to control your emotions easily, you can get help from a counsellor. Just knowing that someone is willing to assist you in going through the terrible time enables you to remain calm while tackling the challenges. Practice techniques such as positive self-talk, engaging in activities that you enjoy, and meditation that are stress relieving is a good idea. Schedule such times for yourself in much the same way as you would any other vital activity. Take time to reflect on what has remained good about your life. Write them down and read them each time you start feeling overwhelmed. Although everything appears to be in tatters, some good things remain.
4. Sign up for a support group. In most cases, groups are associated with many benefits. The group members have encountered similar life situations. They will be able to give you information regarding what they had done to solve their divorce-related problems. You can even try a different group if you run into bitter people in your current group.
5. Build an ample support system with loved ones and friends. Take advantage of your relatives, friends or neighbours if you need a sound board. They may also assist you with other needs such as day care and household chores. If you let others know what you need, they may also help. With an ample system in place, you will still feel more confidence while going through the divorce process.

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