I Don't Really Understand What My Spouse Wants Or Expects From Me After His Affair

When your husband has had an affair, you often think about what might need to happen in order to get your life to even approach normal again. You may not be sure what you want to happen with your marriage, but you just want to feel normal without all of this painful conflict.
As you are pondering this, you might start thinking ahead to what it would take to save your marriage, should you chose that route. People often don't understand why their mind "goes there." It's confusing to them how they could be thinking about these things when they are so very angry at their spouse and don't even know if they want to stay married. I understand this, but looking back now, I think that we are just trying to determine what we might be up against. It's just human nature to want to look ahead in order to see how things might unfold.
Part of looking forward is wondering what might be needed from you if you should chose to save your marriage. You're wondering what your husband might want or expect from you. This can be the case even if you yourself don't know what it is what you want.
A wife's thought process might go something like this: "I am still reeling from finding out that my husband had an affair. I am still trying to figure out where I stand and what I want. My husband doesn't seem to really care what I want because he doesn't seem to know what he wants either. He says that many things would have to change. When he says this, it's almost as if he is implying that he is wanting to see some things from me in order to move forward. What do husbands typically want from wives after they have an affair?"
This is a tough question because frankly, I think it is more important what the faithful spouse wants and needs after the affair. Since the cheating spouse is the one who brought this mess unto the marriage, then I would think and believe that he would be the one who would need to worry about what lies ahead. That is the ideal, anyway. But I know that in real life, we don't always live the ideal. We have to make compromises so that everyone feels like they have gotten at least some of what they need.
Below, I'll tell you what some cheating husbands have indicated that they need. But, since I'm the one writing this article and it is my opinion coming through, I'm only going to include those wishes which I believe are fair. Because quite honestly, many cheating husbands really wish their wives would just forgive and forget immediately. I'm sure they think it would be very nice if their mistakes would just be wiped away. But that's not fair to the faithful spouse. And if you just brush this over, you aren't dealing with the issues that may have a real and lasting impact on your marriage in the future. I also want to stress that you need to explore what you want and what you expect from him. But here are the wishes that I alluded to.
To Be Open To A Brighter Future: Many cheating husbands are fully aware that this is all their fault. And frankly, many are willing to make this right with their wife again. Many realize that they may have to have patience, go to counseling, and jump through some hoops. And this can be OK with them. But what they do not want is a wife who is going to hold this over their heads for every day of the rest of their lives. They don't want to look at the future and imagine that their wife is going to relive this and punish them for their affair each and every day. Because if this is the reality, many would rather bow out before they even give it try. That isn't to say that they don't know that healing is going to take time. But they want to know that, assuming they do what they are supposed to do to help with healing, that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
A Willingness To Rebuild A Satisfying Marriage: This goes back to the same idea as above, but men want to know that one day, they can have an exciting and intimate marriage once again. They don't want to go through the motions and not have legitimate love, excitement, and intimacy in their lives. Yes, they know that rebuilding is going to take some time. Still, they want to know that the work is going to be with it and that they will have a strong marriage that would have been worth fighting for.
They Want You To Be Willing To Still See The Good In Them: One of the most common things a cheating man will say is something like: "I am not a bad person. I just made a mistake." Cheating men often have the hope that one day, you will consider all of the good things that they have done instead of just the one bad thing. They know that they are at fault in the here and now. But they hope that one day, you will allow them to get into your good graces once again, assuming that they do what they need to do in order to deserve it.
In short, what cheating husbands typically want most in terms of your marriage is feeling like they will one day have another chance with you as long as they do the healing work.

I am pretty sure that my husband had all of these hopes, although he may not have gotten these things as early as he wanted.  In good time, he did get them though.  And I am glad we made the effort because no one wants the life and the marriage that is less than they deserve and that includes the faithful spouse. You can read more on my blog at  http://surviving-the-affair.com

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The 10 Letter Word That Is Destroying Marriages

Marriage has been under attack since the very first couple said "I will" or "I do". I'm a believer in marriage and think it's wonderful when couples stare into each others eyes and promise to love until death. I'm sure at that very moment they were speaking the truth. Unfortunately, that commitment gets set aside at times in the relationship. There is work, and kids and family and friends that all compete for attention.
Relationships get torn apart for various reasons. There is one 10 letter word though that I think shakes marriages harder than anything else and it's Infidelity.
Infidelity is running wild in our society. On the other hand, it has always been a problem. However, we now have many more ways to find out about other's cheating. With all of the social media outlets, reading up on the misery of others is just a click away.
Infidelity can happen in any relationship. There is not one marriage that is affair proof. There are millions upon millions of people who proclaim they would never cheat and many of them will not. However, some of those millions will have an affair and the result of their cheating will be pain and suffering for many years to come.
Can you avoid having to deal with Infidelity?
Obviously I would be contradicting myself if I said you can absolutely, positively avoid infidelity. That doesn't mean you should surrender and just be resigned to the fact that it's going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. Doing nothing to prevent infidelity will increase the odds of having to deal with it.
Tips To Prevent Infidelity
Stay out of hot spots - Single clubs are for singles. Don't take your wedding band off and pretend to be single at a singles joint. Hanging out late night at bars while mixing alcohol and friendly chatter. Hanging out in on-line chat rooms where you know you don't belong. I think you get the point.
Keep your spouse interested in you -If your marriage is filled with continuous drama and bitterness, your odds of committing adultery will increase. If you push your spouse away out of frustration you may be creating the right condition for someone else to step in and pique your spouse's interest.
Be accountable to your spouse - Don't use the excuse of needing your privacy to keep your spouse from holding you accountable to do the right things. If you are secretive about your phone, Facebook or Twitter account, you are setting up a relationship wall that will give you the sense that you can do whatever you want, knowing that your spouse will never find out. In my humble opinion you are far more likely to start going down the slippery slope of cheating if you think your spouse will never know what you are doing.
Infidelity doesn't have to destroy your marriage. However, if you are not careful you will end up dealing with an affair. I can't prove this but I guarantee that every single married person has thought about being unfaithful. It's the ones strong enough to resist the temptation that avoid having to deal with the 10 letter word.

One of the key steps you can take to prevent infidelity is to build a strong marriage. The stronger your commitment the harder it will be to break it. If you are in need of some more marital tips, please see here; Help In Marriage
If you are dealing with infidelity please make sure you are under control and making the best decisions for you and your family. You can restore love, trust and commitment but you have to work at it and avoid certain mistakes that can set you back. If you are struggling to get through this please visit here; Dealing With Infidelity

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My Friends Make Me Feel Like A Fool For Wanting To Stand By My Cheating Husband

People often assume that after the discovery of an affair, there is nothing but pain and struggles ahead. Many people assume that although a couple may give a half-hearted attempt to save their marriage, this is mostly going to be a wasted effort, as couples who go through infidelity never end up being OK.
Even the couples themselves can assume this. That's why you may be pleasantly surprised when you look around and realize that you're feeling just a little bit better and more hopeful a little while after the affair -- because you can not deny that you are your spouse are making some progress. And there is no denying that this feels good. And that the relief you feel is a nice contrast to the hopelessness that it replaced.
You may feel so good about this that you want to share it with others. You may want to confide in people who love you who have been worried about you. It's normal to want to ease their burden by letting them know that things are better. In the best of times, most people will be happy for you. But, in the not so best of times, some people can't hide their skepticism. And because they don't want for you to be hurt and they think that they are 'helping,' they may rain on your parade a little bit.
It could be described this way: "three months ago, I was feeling more hopeless than I ever had in my life. I had just found out that my husband had an affair. And I assumed that I was going to end up divorced and that my kids were going to be raised by a single-mother. This all terrified me and it made me look at life in a very pessimistic way. Very luckily, I had a lot of dear girlfriends who allowed me to lean on them. I am so grateful for this. About three weeks after the affair, my husband told me he'd found a counselor that he wanted for us to see. I was skeptical, but now I am her biggest fan. She has helped us so much. My husband and I are talking more than we have in years and are actually getting along and laughing together at times. I feel my heart lifting just a little bit. I am starting to feel relief that I never thought was going to be possible so quickly. I know that we have a lot of work to do. I'm not too stupid to realize that. But I can't help but feel a little hopeful. And of course, I wanted to share this with those wonderful women who supported me. I told five women. Three of them were happy of me and supportive. But two of them pretty much said: 'don't be a fool. Keep your guard up. Don't let him fool you twice.' I tried to explain the progress that we made in counseling and their response was basically: 'he just wants you think that you have made progress.' I love these women, but I am so disappointed. And now all of my relief has gone out of the window because now I'm second-guessing myself and thinking that they are probably right."
I know that this must feel very confusing. On the one hand, there is reason for celebration. And on the other hand, there is reason for disappointment. But from experience, I know that you have to take your victories where you can get them. And you have to make a choice about where to place your focus.
So two of the five women were less than enthusiastic. But three of the five felt exactly as you did. You can not win them all. And frankly, it is not the two pessimistic women's marriages that we are talking about. It is yours. To be fair to them, they probably think that their honesty is based on love. They are trying to temper your enthusiasm because they love you and they do not want for you to be hurt. Their heart is in the right place, but their actions are not.
My inclination would be to maintain their friendship, but to find something other than my marriage to talk about. I learned the hard way that when confiding about the affair, you have to carefully chose who is the best candidate for your confidence. Very few people are able to just step back and offer your their unconditional support without giving you their opinions and without lecturing you. But these are the people that you want and need right now.
I would suggest maintaining your hopeful attitude. You are intelligent enough to know that you still need to pay attention to what is going on around you, but nothing says that you can't do that while still celebrating the progress that you have made and still building on it. Reconciliations and saved marriages start with progress exactly like that which you have described. You have every reason to be hopeful. And you are doing everything exactly right.
There is no reason for you to let the opinion of others bring you down. None of those women are sitting in the counselor's office or in your home. So they can not evaluate things in the way that you can. I know that their reaction may have been disappointing. But right now, you need to focus on those things that can move you forward. And it seems that there is plenty of that in your life right now. Focus on the gratitude that you have for the progress you have made and keep it going.

One of the hard lessons we have to learn after the affair is that not everyone can support us in the way that we need them to. That doesn't mean that they don't love us or want what is best for us. It just means that they don't know how to provide what we need. We have to learn to be very picky about what we disclose and what we ask for. This is all part of the process. You can read more about how I separated the good from the bad at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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Discover How to End an Emotional Affair

Is emotional affair cheating? Any emotional intimacy with someone not your spouse or partner that affects the level of intimacy in your marriage is a form of cheating. If you will not take the step to end an emotional affair, it can harm your marriage and it can bring pains to you, your spouse and your children.
Emotional affair may start as a great friendship or chemistry at work or a great conversation over the internet and without realizing, you became close and you start to open up and confide personal feelings even your marital dissatisfaction that you don't even share to your spouse. You look forward to your next conversation or to seeing this person every single day. You spend more time alone with each other and you feel more emotionally connected to this person than your spouse. If you failed to recognize these signs and unable to end an emotional affair as soon as possible, it can hurt your marriage.
Emotional attachment to another person may escalate to sexual affairs and that of course is 100% adultery but if it didn't move on to the next level and nothing physical or sexual is happening, it is easy to convince yourself that you are not doing anything wrong and this emotional attachment cannot harm your marriage.
The truth is, emotional affairs can be more damaging to the marriage than sexual affairs. When one commits sexual infidelity, there is a chance that this is just physical or sexual and no feelings or intimacy involved but it is not the same with emotional affairs. The impact of your attachment or emotional intimacy to a person other than your spouse can be very damaging to your marriage.
If you want to stay married and save yourself, your spouse and your kids from the pain of divorce, you need to end this affair. In most cases, it is more difficult to end an emotional affair than a sexual affair but there are ways to break the connection with this other person outside your marriage and save your marriage. Here's how:
Acknowledge and recognize the signs. It can be hard to end an emotional affair when the lack of physical contact makes you believe that there's nothing wrong with it. If the inappropriate intimacy with this person outside your marriage is taking away the time, intimacy, passion, honesty, trust and other emotional feelings that you should be sharing with your spouse, then this emotional attachment is a form cheating and is threatening your marriage. Once you acknowledge that you are committing a form of cheating and you realized the impact of this inappropriate intimacy to your marriage, breaking-free from this affair is a decision that you have to make if you want to stay married.
Figure out the reason why you end up having an emotional affair. Emotional intimacy with someone don't just happen overnight or out of the blue, there are reasons why spouses made an emotional connection with someone outside their marriage. Having an emotional affair is a sign that something is wrong with your marriage. Do you feel neglected by your spouse? Are you unhappy with your marriage? Knowing the reasons for your inappropriate emotional intimacy with someone other than your spouse can help you find solutions to your intimacy issues with your spouse and break free from this emotional affair.
Bring the reasons of the emotional affair out in the open. To end an emotional affair, you have to stop hiding it and start talking about it to your spouse. You can save your marriage if you and your spouse will explore the root cause why this emotional affair happened in the first place and bring the reasons out in the open than discuss it with the person outside your marriage. Being transparent with the reasons of the affair can help you and your spouse rebuild the trust in your marriage.
Give your marriage a chance. It can be hard to end an emotional affair when you don't want to give your marriage a chance. If you want to give your marriage a chance, you have to take the step of quitting this affair and become more dedicated to your spouse than to this "friend" outside your marriage. Work on how to strengthen the marriage and how to trust each other again. If you cannot achieve this on your own, it is best to seek professional help to save your marriage.

Is your marriage shattered by an affair? Find out how to save your marriage and avoid the pain of divorce, visit Saving a Troubled Relationship
To know more about love and relationship visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to End an Emotional Affair. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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Reasons Why Men Have Affairs

Men are more likely to have extramarital affairs than women. You may be wondering why men have affairs. What drives them to cheat on their spouses and put the marriage in great pain and uncertainty?
There is no valid reason for cheating a spouse but let's face it, an affair is not something that just comes out of the blue, there are reasons why men have affairs. Let us look at the reasons why men have extramarital affairs.
When their emotional needs are overlooked. It is a common notion that men are physical beings and that their sexual desires can push them to cheat on their spouses but contrary to what most people believe, men are also emotional beings. Men are not as good as women in expressing their feelings that is why their emotional needs are often overlooked but they also want to be appreciated and they want their emotional needs to be acknowledged and fulfilled. Emotional dissatisfaction is one of the reasons why men have affairs.
When men are surrounded by friends who are cheaters. Being around friends committing adulterous acts can be a bad influence to faithful husbands. A good guy may get tempted to do the same since he is hanging out with friends who makes cheating look like a normal thing. The influence or pressure of cheating friends can be a reason why men have affairs.
When men are tempted with an office mate who acknowledge him and look up to him. Men spend longer hours at work with their office mates than at home with their wives. When they get home after office hours they'll just have dinner with their wives and children and the rest of the hours are spent sleeping. When men do not feel valued at home but well-appreciated, valued and praised at work by a female co-worker, what do you think will happen? There are reports that more than 50% of affairs start at work. It is not uncommon for some men to fall for their female co-workers especially when they are doing the same line of work and they work happily with each other. The closeness and emotional connection with a female co-worker is sometimes one of the reasons why men have affairs.
Sexual dissatisfaction. Contrary to what most people believe, sex is not the primary reason why men have affairs. There are numerous surveys, research and studies showing that sex is not the major reason why men cheat on their wives. Although this is not the primary reason why men commit adultery, this should not be overlooked. Sexual dissatisfaction could drive some men to look for it somewhere else. Men have sexual needs and if they cannot get it from their wives they are more likely to get it from other women.
When men fall out of love with their spouses. Love is supposed to be pure and should not dishonor others so it is questionable if what they have with the person they are having an affair with can be called love but when men lose the emotional and physical connection with their wives or falling out of love, they tend to look for it in the arms of other women.
To escape an unhappy marriage. Marital issues or unhappy marriage doesn't justify infidelity but men becomes more vulnerable to having an affair when the marriage becomes problematic and going home with his wife becomes unbearable. There are men who do not want to face the problems in their unhappy marriage and they just choose to escape from it by having an affair.
To satisfy their curiosity. This may sound ridiculous but some men have affairs not because they are unhappy with their marriage or they have emotional needs to be fulfilled, some men cheat just to satisfy their curiosity. One of the reasons why men have affairs is that they want to experience something new or something exciting. They want a new challenge or they cheat just for the thrill of it.
Insecurities. One example of this is a man seeking an affair to feel young. Some men are afraid to lose their sexual prowess and masculinity due to aging. They do not feel good realizing that they are no longer young so they want an affair with younger women to feel younger and well-desired. Some men seek for an affair to feel better because they feel they are too old, too fat or not desirable anymore. Insecurities can be a reason why men have affairs.
Infidelity is one of the major causes of divorce but this doesn't mean that divorce is your only option if your marriage has been shattered by an affair. There is life after an affair and it is possible to survive and make the marriage work again after an affair. Many couples survived and were able to enjoy their renewed relationship after an affair.

Is your marriage plagued by an affair? Discover how to save your marriage, visit Saving a Troubled Relationship
To know more about love and relationship visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Reasons Why Men Have Affairs. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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Office Extramarital Affair - How Safe Are You and Your Marriage From Office Affairs?

Most extramarital affairs happen at work, there are reports saying that around 50% of affairs happen at work. It is not uncommon for a married person to get romantically involved with someone at work. Most people spend a large amount of their time at work with their co-workers and the workplace is a perfect place where romance between colleagues could start. It can be really scary to know that office extramarital affairs is very common.
How office extramarital affairs get started?
Office extramarital affairs could start innocently through friendship or great chemistry at work. People at work experience the same pressures, hardships, they have common goals and they even celebrate their victories together. They eat together, sometimes travel together and eventually they share or talk not only about work but also about their personal lives. They can develop great bond and camaraderie by working every single day together. They are like soldiers going to the same battlefield everyday and we all know that soldiers often have strong bond with each other. This camaraderie can develop into something deeper through time, the friendship may become emotional intimacy especially to those of the opposite sex. Eventually they will find themselves comparing their co-worker from their spouses and find their co-worker more appealing, more understanding, more appreciative, more fun, more exciting, etc. Because of this emotional attachment, they will begin to share feelings and things that they supposed to share only to their spouses. They may also end up calling or texting each other even after work or worst meeting each other privately outside work. This emotional affair can blossom into physical affair but even though it stays in the emotional affair level, it is also a form of cheating and the impact on your marriage is the same as committing sexual infidelity.
No one is safe because office extramarital affair can happen to anyone unless you have a conscious effort to avoid it.
How to protect yourself from office extramarital affair?
Avoid the temptation. Have the conscious effort to not put yourself in a situation where you could be tempted to get involved with office extramarital affair. For instance, if a business travel came up, as much as possible avoid traveling with an office mate of the opposite sex. If it is unavoidable to travel with a colleague of the opposite sex, avoid being alone with your co-worker when traveling. Do not only hang out or befriend co-workers of the opposite sex but blend your circle of friends with people of the same gender as yours or preferably have more married couples as friends.
Set boundaries with co-workers of the opposite sex. Although it cannot be avoided to work with colleagues of the opposite sex, office extramarital affairs can be avoided if you will set boundaries. You are married and no longer single and there are things that you cannot do now. In everything you do, you have to remember that you are already married. Getting emotionally intimate with a co-worker of the opposite sex is disrespecting and cheating your spouse. Always put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and ask yourself if what you are going to do or say with your colleague can affect your marriage.
Have a regular date night and conversation with your spouse. The routine of a married life could make marriage less exciting. Sometimes couples are so pre-occupied with their work and household responsibilities that romance takes a backseat. To avoid office extramarital affairs, have a regular date night and time alone with your spouse to communicate better and to strengthen your marriage.
Be open and honest with your spouse. People who keep secrets from their spouses are more likely to disclose the secret to their office mates and this could develop into something romantic if they are of the opposite sex. Avoid the temptation of confiding to friends at work by being open and honest to your spouse. If you are getting close with an office mate of the opposite sex, it is best to talk about it with your spouse to prevent things from getting out of hand.
Make your spouse your best friend. Your spouse is not just your spouse but she or he can be your best friend too. No one can love you and protect you more than your spouse and so your spouse is the perfect best friend that you can have. Friends go through hardships together, play together and celebrate together so do these things with your spouse and not with another person outside your marriage. Of course aside from growing together, it is also beneficial to grow individually and do things with other people than your spouse but like what was mentioned earlier, set your boundaries and though you can have fun with other people, you best friend should always be your spouse. If your spouse is your best friend, office extramarital affairs will not find its way to you.
Value your marriage. Spouses are tempted to cheat because they do not put high value to their marriage. It is important that after God, the most important thing in your life is your marriage, after all, it is a union blessed by the Higher Power. If you value your marriage, you will not do things to dishonor your marriage and you will not ruin the trust of your spouse. Engaging in an office extramarital affair is not only disrespecting your marriage but it is putting your marriage at risk. Infidelity is the main cause of divorce and if you do not want to experience the pain of divorce, you have to avoid office extramarital affairs.

Is your marriage shattered by an affair? Although infidelity is the most shattering experience a marriage can go through, it is still possible to make a marriage work after an affair. Find out how, visit Saving a Troubled Relationship
To know more about love and relationship visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Office Extramarital Affair- How Safe Are You and Your Marriage from Office Affairs? You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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Building Trust in a Relationship After an Affair

Couples have to stand the test of time and have to go through a lot of trials to stay together. One of the most devastating trials a marriage could go through is an affair. A spouse's betrayal through an affair could damage the trust in the marriage. Trust is important in a marriage and they have to trust each other despite the trials. Building trust in a relationship after an affair is very important because trust is essential to make the relationship last. A marriage without trust is bound to fail.
Building trust in a relationship after an affair can be very difficult but if you want to make your marriage work again and start anew, rebuilding trust in a marriage is very important. So how to restore trust again after an affair?
Tips for the spouse who was cheated on to be able to trust again after an affair.
Leave the past behind. Arguments and fights cannot be avoided in a marriage so fight fair. Stop bringing up past issues during arguments if you want to start building trust in a relationship after an affair. One of the most difficult things about restoring trust in a marriage after an affair is leaving the past behind. Rebuilding the trust in your relationship can be more difficult if you will keep mentioning the mistakes of the past. Let go of the hurt, anger and doubts if you want to move on and repair your damaged marriage. Leave the past behind and move forward.
Do not blame yourself. It is not your fault that your spouse cheated on you. Cheating is a personal decision and you have nothing to do with it, it is not your fault. Blaming yourself and thinking about the things you did wrong or the things that you should have done differently will not help you to trust your spouse again. In order to start building trust in a relationship after an affair, you have to stop blaming yourself.
Stop feeling worthless and insecure. One of the negative effects of being cheated on is the build-up of insecurities and the feeling that you are worthless. Do not let these negative feelings prevent you from trusting your spouse again. If your spouse is sincerely asking for a second chance, it is an indication that you are very important and your spouse do not want to let you go.
Respect your spouse's privacy. There is no guarantee that your spouse will not cheat on you again and spying your spouse's phone, social media and personal belongings will not prevent your spouse from committing infidelity again. You just have to trust your spouse and hold on to the fact that your spouse wants a second chance and doesn't want to let go of your marriage. If you decided to give your spouse another chance, it doesn't mean that you have the right to abuse your spouse and violate his or her privacy. Respect your spouse's privacy and start anew.
Willingness to trust again. In building trust in a relationship after an affair, it is important that you are willing to trust again and move forward. Your willingness and strong desire to stay and keep your marriage for good will be your driving force to give your spouse another chance, restore the trust in your marriage and start anew.
Seek professional help. If you find it hard to get through this difficult stage in your marriage on your own, seek professional help. A marriage counselor can help you survive after an affair. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who can give you sound advice. Talking to people in a therapy group who have the same experiences can also help you get through this painful stage in your marriage. Before building trust in a relationship after an affair, you need to heal yourself first.
Tips for the spouse who had an affair to restore the trust after an affair.
Totally cut-off your affair with the other person. Of course, in order to restore the trust in your marriage, you have to end the affair with "the other person." You cannot restore the trust in your marriage if you are still having an affair.
Keep your promises. If you are the one who cheated on your spouse, it is important to prove your sincerity to make the marriage work again and you can do this by keeping your promises. If you promised you'll call then call your spouse, if you promised you'll be home by dinner then be home for dinner. Keeping your promises is important if you want to be trusted again.
Own up to your mistakes. It is a bad move to blame your spouse for your cheating. Even if there are issues in your marriage that you felt pushed you to cheat, cheating your spouse was your own decision. You could have addressed the issues in your marriage without betraying your spouse but you chose to cheat on your spouse and that is a huge mistake. Stop being defensive, justifying your mistakes and blaming others, own up to your mistakes if you want to start building trust in a relationship after an affair.
Make a decision not to lie or betray your spouse again. Cheating can become a habit. Cheating your spouse over and over again can permanently damage your marriage and your chance to regain the trust of your spouse. If you want to keep your marriage and stay with your spouse then you have to make a decision not to cheat again.
Be patient. Building trust in a relationship after an affair is not an overnight thing, so give it some time and be patient. You can't expect things to return to normal quickly. It takes time to change your spouse's hurt feelings, distrust and suspicion to trust. Take things one step at a time and continuously work on rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
Tips for both spouses to restore the trust in the marriage after an affair.
Communication is the key. It can be tiring to hear that communication is important to bridge the gap between couples but it is true especially when couples need to fix their marriage after being devastated by an affair. Open and honest communication is necessary in building trust in a relationship after an affair. For the one who cheated, it is important to be transparent and willing to open up about the details of the affair to restore the trust in the relationship. The injured spouse should be open to talk about the affair and should not let emotions rule over him or her.
Work as a team. Moving forward after an affair is a joint effort for couples. Both spouses have their respective responsibilities to make the marriage work again. Couples should work as a team in building trust in the relationship after an affair.
Cheating does not have to lead to divorce. Is your marriage in trouble? Save your marriage now, visit Saving A Troubled Relationship.

To know more about love and relationships visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Building Trust in a Relationship After an Affair. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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How to Survive After an Affair - What Every Couple Should Know

Marriage is not always a bed of roses. A spouse could betray the trust in the marriage. Having an affair is the most devastating experience a marriage could go through.
Can a marriage survive after an affair? It is not easy but yes, a marriage can still work after being shattered by an affair. Infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce but a relationship can recover after an affair. So how to survive after an affair?
Couples should heal individually after an affair.
For couples to survive after an affair, they need to heal themselves individually first.
If you've been cheated, it is normal to have the strong desire to confront the issue right away and demand answers why you've been cheated but that is not a good idea if you want to survive after an affair. It is best to deal with your own emotions first or else your emotions will rule over you. Work on healing your own pain first before confronting the issue. Healing yourself includes taking control of your emotions and setting your mind free from negative thoughts. You can make sound decisions and better judgment when you are in full control of your emotions and your mind is not clouded with negative thoughts.
The one who cheated needs to heal too because he or she has pains and emotions too that needs to be addressed. The guilt, embarrassment and the fear of totally losing the trust of his or her spouse are not easy to deal with. The one who cheated needs to reflect and heal to be able to survive after an affair.
Couples should heal together.
To survive after an affair, you should heal together as a couple. After healing individually, you are now both in control of your emotions and more positive with the future of your marriage. Now is the time to heal together. Healing together as a couple includes addressing the details of the affair, forgiveness and working together to move on from the affair and regain the trust in your marriage. This is easier said than done but with great commitment, determination and the strong desire to rebuild your marriage, making the marriage work again after an affair is not impossible. If you find it hard to handle the issues in your marriage on your own, it is best to seek professional help. The most important thing is exhaust all possible solutions to be able to move on and survive after an affair.
Start anew and strengthen your marriage.
If you want to survive after an affair, it is necessary to leave the pain of the affair behind and focus on rebuilding and strengthening your relationship. After the storm, the sun will definitely shine. After your marriage has been shattered by an affair, now is the time to start anew. Start fresh with renewed trust and love to each other.
Is your marriage in trouble and you want to go through the step-by-step system of saving your marriage after an affair? Visit Saving A Troubled Relationship.

To know more about love and relationships visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Survive After an Affair- What Every Couple Should Know. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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My Husband Said He Cheated Because He Wanted Me To Desire And Appreciate Him More

I'm never really shocked at the excuses that cheating men give their wives once they have been caught. Granted, not all men fall into the "excuse category." Some men will take responsibility for their choice and do their very best to be honest about whatever motivations are behind the infidelity. Unfortunately though, this description does not apply to all cheating husbands. There are also those who will do their very best to at least partially shift the blame onto their innocent wife.
One example of this is the husband who says he cheated to get his wife more interested in him. He'll tell her that he hoped that once she saw that another woman was attracted to him, then she would find him more attractive as a result. The theory is that once the wife has some competition, suddenly she will be willing to fight for him when she never had an interest in doing so before.
A wife might explain it this way: "I was astounded and devastated when I caught my husband cheating on me. And I honestly do not believe for a second that he wanted for me to find out like he claims. Frankly, he had done a pretty good job of covering his tracks and he clearly made a concentrated effort to do so. He opened a fake email account. He got a throw-away phone. It was only by a fluke that I caught him. But now he wants to pretend as if this was all part of his master plan. He says that he hoped that once I saw that other women could find him attractive and desirable, that I would pay attention to him and want him more. He says that he has always felt as though he wanted and valued me more than I wanted and valued him. He said he always felt as if he was not good enough for me. I admit that I am not someone who lavishes on a lot of affection. But I am like this with everyone - not just my husband. And I have always been this way. My husband has not complained about this for the whole time we have been married, which is why I really do not buy it. What do you think of this excuse?"
I tend to agree with you, especially since it appears that he covered his tracks so that you would not catch him. If his plan all along was to yearn for you to want him more, then it would seem that he would have been leaving clues, not hiding them.
Finding The Sliver Of Truth: To be fair, there may be a bit of validity to what he is saying. It may be accurate that he was reacting to not feeling desirable. And this may not have had anything to do with you. People often project their worries and inadequacies on those who are closest to them. It could be that YOU aren't making him feel inadequate; but that he simply feels that way and is looking for an excuse or an easier person to blame than himself.
There Are No True Excuses: Regardless, none of this is a valid excuse. If both of you agree that the level of affection and validation isn't there and you both want to save the marriage, then this is something that you might want to address in the recovery process, but it doesn't excuse his cheating.
If you'd like to express this to him, you might try: "I hear what you are saying, but I don't accept it as a valid excuse. Even if you legitimately felt that way, there's never an excuse to cheat. And you certainly could have come to me and discussed it instead of cheating and putting everything at risk. If, down the road, we decide that we want to save our marriage, we can address how you feel or felt. But I don't think that we will be able to do that until you take responsibility for our choices and actions. I won't accept the blame for what you did. Your taking responsibility is the first step and I need for that to happen before I make any decisions about our marriage. I regret that you felt the way that you did, but it doesn't change anything for me. Please reconsider your approach to this because it doesn't get us anywhere. And it doesn't make me want you anymore. I'd find you more desirable if you'd stand up, take responsibility, and communicate with me directly."
Hopefully, this will make him see that you are not willing to accept his convenient excuse and you are not going to take the blame. Most men come to realize this eventually, but you can sometimes shorten the process and save everyone some trouble by being direct and open about it.

Of course, my husband tried various excuses too.  But I wasn't having it.  And he eventually came to realize this and got serious about taking responsibility.  There's more about that on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

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Getting Over an Affair - What Couples Should Know

An affair is the worst thing that could happen in a marriage. Many marriages were not able to survive an affair and end up in divorce. Infidelity is the most common cause of divorce but that doesn't mean that an affair always have to lead to divorce. If you want to keep your marriage, getting over an affair is possible.
Couples have to move forward and get over an affair if they want to stay married but of course this is easily said than done. Getting over an affair for both the one who had an affair and the one who was cheated on can be very difficult but the following guidelines can be very helpful if you want to survive after an affair.
The following guidelines are for those who made the decision that they want to keep their marriage even after the affair, maybe because they feel that it's worth saving their marriage.
You will get through this difficult phase in your marriage. The discovery or the disclosure of an affair can bring trauma to the marriage. It could make you feel that this is the end of your marriage and everything you have with your spouse collapsed right in front of you. The guilt and embarrassment of the one who cheated and the pain of the injured spouse for being betrayed can be very hard to get over with but it is important to recognize that every marriage goes through difficult phases in the their relationship and this is just one of those difficult phases. Getting over an affair maybe difficult but you will get through this difficult phase in your marriage.
Explore the root cause of the affair. Before you both could get over an affair, you both need to explore and understand the reasons that led you to this situation. This is not about blaming each other but this is about understanding the root cause of the affair. If you both understand how and why the affair happened, unanswered questions will be answered, doubts will be decreased and frustrations can be relieved. Getting over an affair is possible only after you begin to understand the details of the affair.
It takes two to Tango. Blaming each other is not helpful on this critical stage where you are trying to get over an affair. Couples should own up to their individual mistakes and accept that both have contributions to the current situation of their marriage. With this realization, both can become more understanding with each other. Once you realized that you are both responsible for the current state of your marriage, you will become a team again working to fix your damaged relationship.
Willingness to move forward. In getting over an affair, both should be willing to move forward and leave this painful chapter behind. The willingness and strong desire to get over an affair can help couples to work together to keep their marriage despite getting devastated by an affair. If you have the will power to overcome an affair, you are more likely to succeed.
Seek help. Getting over an affair can be too much for couples to handle on their own but this doesn't mean you have to give up. If you both believe that your marriage deserves a second chance, you will exhaust all possible solutions to solve your marital problems. Seek professional help if things becomes really difficult. Marriage counselling can help you get over an affair. Do not hesitate to seek help. Many marriages were saved by marriage counselling, even Bill Clinton admitted that marriage counselling helped him keep his marriage.

Divorce is not always the way out of marital issues. Couples can survive an affair. Visit How to Survive an Affair
For more love and relationships guides visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Getting Over an Affair- What Couples Should Know. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

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