The Image You Create of Yourself Might Hamper Your Friendships and Intimate Relationships

Many believe themselves to be who they are not. They present themselves to others according to this image, thus manipulating others to think the person in front of them is caring, loving, attending, listening, while in fact this person is non of the above, and this image he/she has put on meant only to impress others, to get their love, and attention, to receive praise and admiration.
Take Mike for example: Mike, a man in his 50th, divorced with two grown up children, surrounds himself with women. Actually, he can't be without having women all around him, admiring and adoring him. His endless need to be loved and adored is rooted deep inside him, going back to his childhood, being brought up by parents who never uttered any positive words towards him. Feeling unloved, he grew up with low self-esteem, feeling unsuccessful and rejected. In order to compensate for these feelings, he developed - unconsciously - an image of a person who "is there for others"; "who cares for others' well-being"; "who supports others in whichever way he can".
Consequently, Mike lives his life spending hours listening to women "friends"; giving them money when he thinks they need it; visiting them in the hospital when they are hospitalized for one reason or another.
When you ask him how is life, he usually answers that "life is beautiful"; that "it can't be better". And he then goes on to telling you about his last act of "altruism". Mike is so unaware of what drives him to behave the way he does, that he continues bragging about his actions without realizing that he makes himself ridiculous.
And not only that: since he is totally unaware of his own needs which drive him to behave the way he does, and isn't aware how ridiculous his behavior and all his "statements" are, he doesn't even see and understand how all those women which he "helps" so much manipulate and abuse him "good heart". And not only that; being unable to develop a serious intimacy with any of these women, he resorts to saying that he isn't interested "in any serious intimacy"; that he enjoys "having many-many women friends".
Being manipulated and abused means for him, he is being adored and admired; he is loved and appreciated. Driven by his unending needs for love and appreciation, he runs away from his loneliness by filling his weekly schedule with endless meetings with women, some of which he admits "aren't interesting enough". Yet, he doesn't dare to limit the number of "friends" or "acquaintances" he has: "the more the better", he thinks to himself, the more love and attention he thinks he gets the better he feels about himself and the more he is glued to the image he has formed about himself.
The sad side to this story is, unfortunately, that Mike devotes so much time to "be there for others" that he doesn't take time to be there for himself; that he doesn't take to time to understand what prevents him from having a truly intimate relationship; that he doesn't see how the image he created of himself and "sells" to those around him is the one which drives others to take advantage of him; that this image in the one responsible for him being unsuccessful in finding a woman with whom to create a successful intimacy.
Realizing the image you developed and present to others
It is not easy to see the image we created of ourselves, understand its sources and the ways in which it sabotages ourselves and our relationships. But if you feel that your relationships are stuck time and again, you may want to dig into the image you have created to yourself and present to others, and attempt to realize whether it does you more harm than good.
It takes courage to doing so, since it is likely that by you "live" with your image for years and years. This is the only image you know of yourself. But becoming aware of the image you have developed and realizing how it harms your attempts at relationships is of uttermost importance if you strive to better yourself and become empowered to develop a successful intimacy or, for that matter, a successful mutual relationship, where you will be appreciated for "who you are" rather than for the image you have created of yourself.

Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, and the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship. The book includes more than 200 real-life anecdotes empowering you to know how to develop the relationship you desire: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/

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Have You Ever Heard Your Friends Talking About You?

We all like to project a nice, positive image to ourselves and to the world: to our friends, partners, and others. Some of us will take all necessary measures to impress others, "show" them how smart we are, how loving, attentive, caring. Many of us do so not because this is the way we actually are, but as a manipulative way - to get love and appreciation from others; to be adored and admired. Unfortunately, having behaved this way for years on years, we have become unaware to the awful truth - that we are not the way we present ourselves to be; that we are not so honest, authentic and caring for others' well-being, but rather mask ourselves with this image of the caring, the loving, the attentive. The reverse, then, is the true situation: we do whatever we can to attract the love of others; to persuade them to regard us in as much a positive light as we can. We operate from a bottomless need for love, for appreciation, for attention, for praise.
When we behave this way, we think our friends, partners and others "fall" for our good-heartedly behavior; we convince ourselves that they highly appreciate us; that they adore our company, wisdom and support.
What we don't know is, that those of them who are enough conscious and aware, see behind our masks, behind our manipulations, behind our "loving behavior": they notice how desperate we are for their love; how low our self-esteem is; how fearful we are about criticism; and how lonely we feel when alone, not receiving others' love and "appreciation".
But, as ignorant as we are, as unaware as we are, to ourselves as well as to our environment, we keep behaving the way we do, believing that indeed we are what we project to our environment.
However, if we could have had the opportunity to ear-drop into a conversation of some of our friends who might have been talking about us we might have heard their conversation going like that:
"Poor ___; he/she needs so much love... "
"Yeah, he/she is trying so hard to be nice and loving all the time... "
"Sometimes I have to keep myself tight from laughing in his/her face, pretending that I so sucked into his/her attentive ear"
"Yes, that's exactly so: he/she loves so much to impress us by his/her listening ability; being there for us... As a matter of fact, it is so disgusting... "
"Well, I don't want to judge, really, but yes, I totally agree with you: the efforts he/she makes in order to be who she/he really is not... what a shame... "
"Shame no shame, eventually he/she gets what he/she wants... our love and friendship... "
"So do you want to tell me we are just as dishonest as he/she is?"
Silence. And then:
"These are us who might be dishonest for not telling him/her what we really think. But he/she is not dishonest: he/she is just so totally unaware of who she/he is; so totally out of touch with his own needs; so totally unaware of his/her ways of unconscious manipulations".
How would you react if you have listened in to such a conversation about yourself?
Would it trigger in you any reflection, any desire to look inside, observe yourself, attempt to see if there is any truth to what you have heard, to what they have been saying about you?
Or would you assume that it wasn't you they were talking about, but someone else... ?

Doron Gil, Ph.D., an expert on Self-Awareness and Relationships, is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, and the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship. The book includes more than 200 real-life anecdotes empowering you to know how to be authentic and develop the relationship you desire: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/

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5 Qualities of Quality Friendship

VALUING people is the most palpable relationship currency; it is otherwise known as friendship. Here are just a few things to reflect over when it comes to friendship - something we have the privilege to offer and the blessing to receive.
1. A friend is someone who accepts how we see justice. This doesn't mean friends always understand how we see justice, they just accept the way we see things, without needing to convince us otherwise or change us. They have empathy. They know that support is couched in respecting our ability to know right from wrong. (Not many mature adults, given cause for reflection, don't know right from wrong; a friends trusts that we will work it out without needing to be told.)
2. Good friends, therefore, are dignifying. They will pray how to respectfully challenge us on issues we are struggling with. Grace has the upper hand over truth, and, this is appropriate, given that friendship is a special relationship. When trust is implicit, it is remarkable how much licence friends give us to speak truth into their lives. It's because we know how to love them whilst also being honest.
3. To a friend the offences of a friend are excused with grace. Soon the offender says sorry and seeks forgiveness. That's the mark of friendship: the relationship matters significantly more to both persons than any one polarising issue.
4. Discernment is nested in a thing called friendship. Friends are able to 'see' one another. There are things that friends can see in us that others won't. A friend will note when we need an extra dose of encouragement, or when we could do with support, and when we need to be motivated. Discernment shows the love of awareness and the commitment of love to speak up or act in kindness.
5. Of course, it's a biblical principle that friends will lay down their lives - figuratively or actually - for us, and we for them (see John 10:15). There is always the willingness to give rather than receive. And the only exception to that is when our friend's needs might actually outweigh our own. Then we have the privilege of laying down our lives for them.
***
The mark of friendship is the behaviour of love from one to another and vice versa.
If we have no friends that make this list of qualities it's about time we did two things. Pray to God that: 1) we might be a friend like this and, therefore, draw to ourselves friends like this, and 2) he might draw us toward people who will love us like a friend would.
© 2015 S. J. Wickham.

Steve Wickham is a Baptist pastor who holds Degrees in Science, Divinity, and Counselling. Steve writes at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com.au/ and http://tribework.blogspot.com.au/

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One Huge Reason Why You Can't Stay Friends With Your Ex

Of all the broken relationship questions, the most common ones deal with friendship. And that's because, for many people, keeping up some level of friendship after breaking up seems to be the 'go to' method for trying to stay in your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend's life.
Why Can't I Stay Friends with my Ex? Won't that Help in Getting Them Back?
I hate to say it, but the answer is no. You cannot, and should not, stay friends - or even friendly - after the breakup. NOT if you actually want this person back as your girlfriend or boyfriend again.
Honestly, staying friends with someone who just dumped you seems like a great initial idea. You get to still see them. You get to talk to them, text them - by remaining on friendly terms you don't have to cut them out of your life.
You're staying in sight too, so your ex doesn't forget about you, and you're able to see what your former lover is doing... and with whom.
All of that sounds amazing, no? The next best thing to dating them, right? Well, if only any of it were true.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex is Torture For Them
Right off the bat, you have to understand something very important: after breaking up with you, your ex doesn't want to see you.
For a lot of people this is very difficult to swallow. Yes, I know, they told you differently. Your boyfriend or girlfriend put on a brave smile and said "sure!" when you asked if you could still talk to them, keep in touch, hell, even hang out together. And they meant it... for about as long as it took for you to get back in your car.
After that? Your ex wants to avoid you. He or she would rather go to the dentist than actually run into you right now. And no, it's not because they hate you. It's not "bad blood" or anything stupid like that. It's because your ex will feel totally awkward around you. And that's because of something even more important:
They're trying to push aside any emotional ties they still have to you.
And so yeah, the last thing they want is to see you. Or hear from you. Or for God's sake, hang out with you. When you call or text or whatever, you'll talk to them less and less. They'll cut the ties of communication slowly, so as not to upset you, but they'll cut them nonetheless. Which means that very, very soon, you're going to feel utterly and completely alone.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex is Torture For You
Now if you think that's bad, it's an even worse situation on your end. Because while you're friends with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend? You're stuck in this weird limbo of no longer being in a romantic relationship with them, and not really being an actual friend either.
"No way! I can totally be friends with my ex!"
Nope. You might think you're doing it, but in reality you're stuck in a very strange place. That's because you're not like any of your ex's other friends. You're a friend with an agenda.
A 'friend' who has the ultimate goal of getting back in this person's pants again. THEY want friendship. YOU want more. And no matter how much you deny it, or think you can try to hide it? Your ex totally knows and sees this. They feel it without you even having to say a single word, and from that moment on, they're going to have their guard up around you.
Staying friends at this point will be torturous. You'll have to smile and be 'happy' while your ex lives his or her life without you. You'll need to be supportive when they talk about their dating problems. And when your ex finally starts seeing someone else? You'll need to put on your bravest face and act happy for them, even though it's going to feel like you got stabbed in the stomach.
And hey, even if you could be friends for a while? The second one or both of you get a new partner that person isn't going to be too happy about the arrangement. Remember dating that one person who just couldn't let go of their ex? The person who told you "we're just friends", even though you wish this ex would go the hell away? Well now you're on the flip side of that coin.
What Should You Do if Your Ex Wants to Be Friends?
Short answer? You tell them no. But the long answer? You have to do it in such a way that it actually makes your ex need to hear from you again.
It's not as simple as refusing the friendship. You also need to convince your ex that you don't want to be friends with him or her, and that you're not just shrugging it off because you're bitter or angry.
Essentially, you want your ex to wonder WHY you won't be friends with them. It should seem cold to them. Callous. Like you really didn't care to begin with, if you could just break free of them cold turkey.
The fact you're not willing to even maintain simple contact (like texting or Instagram) tells your ex a great deal about your independence, and how they had you pegged wrong as still needing them around. This is only one of several counter-rejection techniques you can employ to shake things up, making your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend question their decision to break up with you in the first place.
When your ex realizes you're willing to walk away from them, without even attempting to be friends? They themselves feel rejected. Your boyfriend or girlfriend also has to face the grim reality of the breakup alone.
This is especially bad for them if they expected you to stay in touch. Most people who say "let's be friends" aren't 100% ready to let go just yet, and the post-break friendship is a way for them to do it gradually, at their own pace. But you denied them that luxury, which puts them out of their comfort zone. You just ripped the Band-Aid off in one quick motion.

There are 6 Individual Steps necessary to win your ex back, so find out what they are! And if your ex isn't showing any of these signs, learn how to Make Your Ex Miss You very quickly, with only a few simple techniques.

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Six Kind of Friends You Need to Block From Your Life Right Away

To lead a smooth and peaceful life one really needs to be surrounded by people who are not only positive but supportive also. Good vibes around you will lift up your confidence and also help you achieve the impossible. So go ahead and don't fret, just block the friends who are a hurdle between you and what makes you happy. Here are the types of friends you should block right away.
1. THE SELFISH FRIEND
This one is for that friend of yours who is just interested in using you all the time. These people are always on a look out to get their chores or tasks done from you. They love taking credit for things you did for them, and are never their when you need them. Block them right away, you don't need self centered mates around you.
2. THE PRICE LABEL FRIEND
These are the walking, talking self proclaimed brand ambassadors for almost all high end brands. What more, they come out with the price tag even before they are complimented. They want to show off their over flowing money bags and are always on a look out to put you down. Its good to be meet such people once a while but being friends with them?? think again we say.
3. THAT EX- BOYFRIEND
Yes!! no matter how much you say you can be his friend... You rarely can be normal with him. Before you end up stalking him unknowingly and things turn sourer than they were. Please block him from your life right away... It will do you tonnes of good, trust us!!
4. THE FOREVER BROKE FRIEND
Now! we don't mean to say its not good to help a friend who is in need. We totally swear by the proverb "A friend in need is a friend indeed." But you need to know where to draw the line. You can't be going overboard always to help someone who is forever broke. Don't inculcate wrong habits in your friend is all we are saying.
Block them from your system so that they can find their feet and become self dependent.
5. YOUR FRIEND'S, CREEPY FRIEND
There is one common creepy friend almost all of us have. That friend's friend, who is always trying to hit on you or passing all cheesy comments. Block that looser right away because he doesn't deserve the pleasure of your company.
6. THE FOREVER UNHAPPY SCHEMING FRIEND
This category is for all those friends who are forever unhappy on seeing all good things happening to you. They would do anything it takes to see you fall. They discourage you from taking calculated risks also because seeing you succeed makes them envious. Such negativity is a big no-no, make sure they are in the 'ignore forever' list from today itself.
P.s (Ignore these friends, block their existence and see how smooth life becomes!! Don't forget to thank team EUS though:) )

For more articles please visit my blog-magazine page http://www.everythingundersun.com

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Fighter Pilots and Friends: Those Who Give and Risk

This morning was a treat when the phone rang and it was my flying buddy and good friend, of more than three and a half decades, on the line. I think of him often as he has "been there" as an actively engaged buddy all these years.
Meeting on March 26, 1979, I was a young pilot just 24 years old. It was the first day of New Hire Pilot Training at the Western Airlines Training Center in Los Angeles.
Our backgrounds were as different as night and day. He, a decorated Fighter Pilot with two Distinguished Flying Cross' medals, had risked his life while contributing more than two hundred missions to our country's freedom. Me? I had flown Civilian aircraft with no particular threat to my life while making no particular contribution to others. Unlike now, I was a skinny kid of 170 pounds. But back then, I dressed in an inexpensive polyester suit that didn't fit quite right.
Excited as I was being hired-on to a major airline, I took a seat upfront of the classroom so I could take-in all that was to be learned. It was important I sit up front because missing anything just wasn't an option. Having worked very hard for seven long years to become qualified for this awesome career job, I just did not want to "wash-out" in training.
Into the classroom walked this guy, a mature fellow 34 years of age, wearing an expensive herringbone jacket and wool slacks, his hair jelled-back, with a swagger that would make John Wayne proud. He walked right up and said straight-away, "get out of my chair."
Shocked, I replied back stupidly, "huh?", while I assessed whether I could whup him or not. Fortunately for me, I controlled any ill response. It would not have been a good thing to get fired the first day on a new job!
No more had my mind processed these thoughts than a big smile came across his face as he said, "just kidding. For seniority purposes, the oldest guys traditionally line up in front and the youngest sit in the back of the room. I'm Don." That was the exact moment our friendship began and one that has lasted 36 years.
Don was later selected from his peers to become an FAA Designated Line Check Pilot and eventually Chief Pilot of what is now one of the world's largest Airlines. Throughout his many years at the airline, he continued to give to his country as an Air National Guard pilot. Interestingly, one of his friends in the Guard was the celebrity Dean Martin Jr., a fellow squadron pilot who, tragically, perished during his service.
Throughout the years and usually over cool drinks, details of his military service to our country came out but just a little bit at a time. Stories including the loss of a fellow pilot who was his room-mate, other buddies that were lost, more details of the job he did to protect our way of life, our freedom, and our country, were shared with me.
I, personally, am grateful for the timely suggestions he contributed to me and my family, the little "bumps and nudges" he shared that went above and beyond what one might expect from another human being. Like a brother, Don has always been there "having my back," and with others' interests at heart too. What is it about this guy that makes him stand a full two feet taller than all others?
I believe it to be selfless sharing and a willingness to contribute to others. He actually cares and is always ready with a helping hand to his Country, his family, and to his friends.
"Tag you're it," said this war hero of our country and my good friend as we were about to hang up. It means simply that it is my turn to call next, but darn, I forgot to say, "thank you for your service, Happy Memorial Day, and thank you for your endearing friendship."
I had to call him back, and in concluding a second conversation, I got to say, "tag, you're it!"
Happy Memorial Day to those who gave, risked it all, but still give to others. You are the real deal.

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Can You Really Remain Facebook Friends With Your Ex?

Breaking up used to mean breaking things off. And that meant everything, in that you weren't likely to see your ex unless you somehow ran into her again.
But what about Facebook? Can you remain friends on Facebook with an ex girlfriend? Or the more important question: if your girlfriend hasn't unfriended you after breaking up, can you somehow use Facebook to get your ex back?
Social media has made breaking up a much more complicated situation than it used to be. In the past things were simple; you'd lose each other's phone number and life would go on.
Nowadays? You've got tons of social media connections that remain behind even after the relationship is apparently over. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, group text-messages... suddenly you've got to decide which of these ties to cut, and which to keep.
Seeing an ex girlfriend can be painful, especially if you're still in love with her. Wanting her back and even trying to win her heart again can be made infinitely more complex when Facebook is telling you were she went that day, who she met up with, what she did, and what she had for breakfast.
It might also sound simple to just unfriend your ex. But in matters of the heart? Nothing's ever that simple. You'll want to hang onto these connections because they represent a portion of your past relationship. One that you loved and looked forward to every day. One that brought you closer together, even though right now it's making your heart hurt.
What Happens With Facebook After You Break Up
Before we talk about social media, it's a good idea to learn what goes on during a break up. And not just with you, the person who got dumped, but what's going on in your ex girlfriend's mind as well.
First of all, your ex didn't dump you without a reason. Sometimes a girl will tell you what that reason truly was, but most times she'll make another, simpler excuse for ending the relationship. Often she'll do this to spare your feelings (i.e. if there's another guy she's interested in, she's not going to cite that as the reason she ended things), but even more often she's just choosing the path of least resistance. She's picking whatever reason (such as the vague "it's not you, it's me") she thinks will be easiest for you to swallow, simply because she wants to get out of the situation as quickly and cleanly as possible.
Want the REAL reason she broke up with you? Learn how to make her reveal that reason. Because knowing truly why things ended is one of the first steps in getting her back.
Second, realize that after the breakup your girl is watching you closely. And she's not doing this for your benefit, she's doing it for her own.
Anyone who ever broke up with someone thinks the exact same thing: I hope I'm making the right decision. They're looking for signs that the decision was correct; that ending things was the right move, and that the person they left behind was wrong for them.
So when your ex looks back over her shoulder? She expects to see you upset. She wants to see you crushed. This isn't because she's cruel, it's because seeing you this way gives her the impression that she's better off without you. After all, if you're that hung up on her, why would she still date you? Apparently your happiness depends on her, and that's a hell of a lot of responsibility she doesn't want.
Also? You're a GUY. No guy should be crying or whining or (worse) begging for a girl to take them back. No guy should be sitting by the phone, hopelessly devastated because his girlfriend broke up with him. These things are HUGE turnoffs. Especially to a girl who has already decided to let you go.
Traits and Behaviors That Will Make Your Ex girlfriend Want You Back
A guy should be strong: mentally, emotionally, and physically too. A guy should be confident. Independent. A guy - no, her guy - should always know what to do, in every situation, so that if anything arises he can take care of her.
Girls like to be taken care of. Yes, even the independent ones. So when you can't even take care of yourself? You lose a hell of a lot of appeal.
Whatever attracted your girlfriend to you in the first place must be the same traits that will get her back. Don't lose sight of how she sees you. Don't sit there wallowing in a giant pity party you threw for yourself. If that's what you're doing right now, you'd better man up quickly because you HAVE TO STOP.
Is Your Ex Facebooking You?
You can't tell when someone views your profile on Facebook. That said, your ex girlfriend is absolutely watching you after the break up. She's checking your page to see what you're up to, and she wants to know whether or not you're happy.
This is why you don't throw up all over your own feed. No crappy song lyrics. No depressing meme graphics. In fact, the best thing you can do on Facebook after your girl breaks up with you is pretty easy:
Absolutely nothing.
In trying to figure out how to win your girlfriend back, never underestimate the importance of doing absolutely nothing at all. Silence is always golden, and it's especially shiny in the wake of an unwanted breakup.
Emotionally your ex needs to see that she was right. Mentally she wants to know that she made the right choice. You being miserable = her being right. But when you disappear from Facebook (and all social media) entirely? You quickly shake any confidence she's trying to build up. Not being able to see what you're doing is the single most disquieting thing for your ex girlfriend.
It might even make her unfriend you, purely out of frustration.
What to Do if Your Ex Unfriends You on Facebook
If your ex clicks that button to de-friend you on social media, it's because of one of two reasons:
1) You're getting to her. She's making a statement by unfriending you, and she'll be looking for a reaction.
2) She's about to start dating someone else, and she doesn't want you to see her Facebook feed.
This assumes you've been broken up for some time. Unfriending you right after the breakup is possible too, but that usually won't happen unless you had a huge fight, you betrayed her, or something ugly like that.
If your ex does happen to unfriend you, the last thing you should do is mention it to her. Saying something - even dropping a snide or sarcastic remark - is only going to make you look jilted. You never want to look jilted. In fact, you never want to appear as if you care at all when it comes to something as silly as a social media page.
Making your ex want you back is all about appearances. Instilling original desire. You can't do that if you're complaining about not being "friends" on some website, or whining that you should still be able to connect via Facebook or Instagram. As as strong, independent, confident guy, none of these things should matter to you.

There are 6 very big signs she still loves you, so find out what they are! And for women trying to win over an ex boyfriend? Learn these 5 quick adjustments that will make him want you back.

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What Makes For a Good Friend?

We all seek someone with whom we can share our thoughts and fears without being at the risk of undergoing a scanner. All relations have an imaginary boundary beyond which we cannot cross however, friendship holds no such barriers and gives the person a free space to grow. It is another thing that the choice of friends can make or break the life.
Friendship is not a matter of the brain it is the reflex action of the heart. However, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors may surround each of us, but the friends are irreplaceable. They form a part of us since the first sense of bonding or maybe someone we came to know later in life. One thing that remains common is that they stay true to us irrespective of time, state, or distances.
So what makes for a good friend?
• A true friend will be your anchor in times of adversities. Your friend will know when to lend you an ear and when you need a shoulder to cry.
• A friend is like a vault where all your secrets shall stay safe. He shall never indulge in back stabbing, backbiting or gossiping about you.
• A true friend is someone who is not hesitant to show you the reality, no matter how bitter it is. They never substitute for a 'Yes' man.
• A friend who cares for you irrespective of the fact that you were at fault is a friend forever. He shall forgive you. However, the same friend will not hesitate to give you advice if you go wrong. This companion shall try the best to let you tread the right path.
• You have a true friend if the time, place, or duration of your last conversation or meeting never seems too erstwhile. If every time you talk to them, it feels like the last meeting was a day before.
• Your friend shall never be judgmental about you. He shall respect your space and individualism.
• A true friend never degrades you no matter how trying a situation gets.
• A true friend is a positive influence in our lives irrespective of the phase we are dealing with.
However, a relationship works best when there is a mutual connect and coherent vibrancy amid the people. Therefore, to have a good companion you have to prove yourself worthy too. Life is too short to complicate and then untangle the knots. Live lives each day, give your best, and enjoy humanity.

A freelancer and blogger who writes about relationships, parenting and dabbles in fiction through her blog. (http://pushpsr.blogspot.com/)

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Friendship - When To End A Friendship

Personal growth is a normal part of life. We become aware of areas in our own lives that need improvement. We also start noticing behaviors in others that are not in line with our own growth. People grow at their own pace. Don't try to force your own goals on someone else. At the same time, being in around people who do not have similar goals can stunt your own growth. Sometimes, loving someone from a distance is the best thing you can do for yourself and the other person. Here are some examples.
4 Types Of Relationships To Distance Yourself From
1. They always need something.
Relationships should add value to your life, not drain you. If you have a friend that always needs something, back away slowly. They need to borrow money. They need a ride somewhere. They need you to do them a favor. They need you to babysit. The whole relationship is about what you can do for them. They have not added much of anything to your life. We all need each other but when you find that this person can't function without needing help from someone, it's time to stop being so accessible. Deal with them on your own terms from a distance.
2. Everything is about them.
In conversation, there is no concern about your feelings or life or anything to do with you. Even when you start talking about what's going on with you, they find a way to talk about themselves. When you are together, they make a point to redirect any focus or attention from you to them. When you ask them to do something, there is hesitation or they never follow through. When it comes to you, they have a reason why they can't support. Self absorbed people don't make good friends. Acknowledge that everyone isn't where you are and decrease the amount of time you spend with this type of person.
3. They have a problem for every solution.
Life is full of challenges. Sometimes we feel defeated. Negative people dwell in defeat and do not want to move forward. If your friend calls you upset, your natural response will be to try to help them find solutions. However, if this friends has a reason why they can't use solutions every time you offer one, no matter the situation, it's time to distance yourself. Not only can you not be helpful, this person does not want help. Save your breath, just listen to them vent but don't consume yourself with trying to help. Negative people don't want a solution, they don't want you bettering yourself either. If you want to continue on your path of becoming a better you, stay far away from problem finders.
4. The slightest misunderstanding sends them over the edge.
In any kind of relationship, misunderstanding is inevitable. If you have a relationship that is at risk of crumbling at the first sign of disagreement, move away. Emotionally unstable relationships cause unnecessary stress. Being able to speak your opinion openly is what makes friendships great. If someone wants to end their friendship with you because you don't agree with their opinion or perspective, let them end it. Staying away from stressful situations is better for your health and sanity.
Life reveals who is genuine and adding value to your life. It is important to recognize when a relationship is one-sided and does not add to your growth. As you travel on the path to greatness, surround yourself with people who want as much for themselves as you want for yourself. Do not feel bad about moving away from people who do not.

I am a medical laboratory scientist with an entrepreneurial spirit. I specialize in wealth building techniques with personal development coaching. Call me at (410) 929-0302 for your complimentary consultation.

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Making Friends As an Adult: Why Is It So Hard?

This is a little known fact to many, but making new friends once you're out of school or College can be very hard. Why is it so? Why can't we make connections and develop them into friendships as easily when we are adults as when we were children? It shouldn't be that hard, right?
Well, the truth is there are actually many reasons of weight for this tragic stigma.
When we are kids, making friends comes naturally. We have common grounds, interests, and the perfect excuses to get to know each other without it feeling forced or out of place. However, when we grow into adults, the setting drastically changes. We get jobs, we get married, we have children, and we fall into a routine that limits our exposition to other people on common grounds, which makes it very difficult to make friends or, more specifically, developing the relationships we acquire.
There is a certain awkwardness that develops towards meeting other people as we age. It's not the same meeting and getting to know someone you see every day in class, someone you get used to seeing around and maybe even occasionally work with, to doing so with a stranger you just met in a store or maybe someone who drew your attention at the mall. Starting a conversation with strangers is daunting because we are used to relate to people we meet on common grounds, like school or College, and it can be frightfully hard to spark an interesting conversation with someone you don't know, in a setting that's not familiar. In school, or class or College, we already have things to talk about, things that both people can relate to. The same isn't often true for adults.
And even less so for adults who move away from their hometowns, wanting to start anew on a different city, or a more extreme scenario, a different country. Add to that a shy or introverted personality, and it feels close to impossible.
So, how do people in those situations break out from the prison of their circumstances, and start making friends again? How do we recover that social confidence, that presence, and start making connections that can eventually develop into meaningful relationships once more? Remember, as adults, we often lack that constant exposition to other people, that common ground which makes it so easy to spark a conversation or to help break the ice.
Throughout my studies and research on the matter I've managed to come up with a couple of answers to this widespread dilemma. There are several variables that come into play when we make the decision to meet new people or make new friends as adults; things that ease the process and help us break the ice. To effectively meet new people and make new friends as an adult, we should look for the following:

• A common setting
• Relatable situations
• Similar interests
• Consistent Exposition

These variables sound familiar? They should. They're pretty much the same we experienced while growing up in school. We basically need to re-create that same atmosphere that made it so easy and natural back then. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to do that, though be warned: they do require a bit of bravery, consistency and perseverance.
We could join a club, for example, or sign up for community service. We could also try joining a class or course, or take seminars that requires members to be physically present. In all of these examples, we are willingly entering a common setting with other people that are likely to share our interests. We are exposed, through the course of time, to relatable situations and the most powerful variable, consistent exposition to the same people - which helps cement the bonds we create without the forced awkwardness that would be present otherwise.
Work can also be a powerful scenario to meet new people, but it strongly depends on the kind of work it is and the setting where it takes place. A graphic designer or backroom associate at a grocery store has little to no exposition to other people, whereas a register clerk or office receptionist deal with them every day.
Church can also be a good place to meet people that possess the same values as you, though in many occasions, it takes more time to develop those relationships due to the nature of the activities taking place.
Another lesser-known method could be looking for social forums and same-interest groups online, preferably those with weekly or monthly meeting schedules. These can also prove helpful in the search for new acquaintances; however, due to the nature of the internet, these options should be approached with due caution and some good research before taking any action.
These are of course, and by no means, the only venues available to us young adults to meet new people and make new friends. There are many other options, many of which depend on particular personalities, places or lifestyles. But as a rule of thumb, these are the ones that have been proved to work the most - the ones that set the foundation for many others.
It isn't easy getting out into the world once more and making new friends once we've left College or school, but it is completely possible. All it takes is confidence, a bit of work, and a lot of perseverance.
Stay positive, be confident, and best of luck!

George Perez has been a creative writer for years, with dreams of employing the written word for a living since he was in elementary school. Having recently moved to the US, he's finally started working towards making his dream a reality, focusing all his resources and time on pursuing a full-time career as a copywriter. For tons of more handy content, or to get to know him a bit better, make sure to visit his blog at https://jprsoulcafe.wordpress.com/!

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