Created To Bond
Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It is the root of the addictive process through which the human race has pro-generated since the beginning of time. God, himself is a relational being and in creating the universe, he did so in a way that everything that was created is in relationship to something else specifically and everything as a whole. When the Lord God created mankind, He created him to bond in relationship with Him. Therefore bonding is part of our very essence.
Since we are created to bond, we will - in either a life or death-producing manner. If we cannot bond in loving relationships, we will bond in relationships that do not so love. God understands the need for mankind to bond, not only with him but also to bond with those like himself. This understanding was demonstrated when He created man in the Garden of Eden and said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make for him a helper comparable to him'. (Gen. 2:18 NKJV)
We were created with the need to bond, as part of our being there is also a process that we need to incorporate within ourselves in order to do so. That process includes a willing mind and the ability or willingness to be vulnerable, knowing that not every attempt at bonding will result in success.
Relationship Between The Mind And Body
During the past thirty-five years, many scientists have explored the multiple complexities in the interconnections between the human mind and the body. Anthropological, psychological and sociological studies that have been performed conclude that people who are at the lowest portions of the socio-economic scale, that is those who are encompassed in poverty, prejudice, long-term loneliness and job dissatisfaction, or who experience the loss of a loved one to a greater degree are more likely to be ill. They are also more likely to die than those who live a fulfilled in their social and interpersonal relationships.
Virtually every chronic illness; a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, fear, cynicism has at its source negative moods, attitudes and beliefs. These three are prominent in the detrimental effects that lead to poor health. Whereas, optimistic people are less likely to become ill or when they do, they tend to live longer and suffer less. This was an interesting finding because it confirms that a sense of control, sense of humor, courage and hopefulness can be and often is more beneficial than was once realized.
According to studies conducted at Yale by Stanislav Kasi, Ph.D., Professor of Epidemiology and Ellen Idler, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology at Rutgers, suggest that the conviction of ones health status - that is how well a person thinks he/she is may be the most accurate means of predicting their ell-being and future health. It would seem that this finding lends some credence to the old adage, mind over matter.
To further expound on it we must view some of the reported cases of people diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses who once having changed their habits, way of thinking, their diet and began to exercise. A number of cases have shown that these men and women are feeling better, functioning more effectively and living longer.
Using Food As A Friend
Often problems may begin as being biological, then as the problem continues to grow it involves other spheres such as the realm of the psychological being and vice-versa. These sorts of disturbances can result from a significant traumatic or emotional experience. The end-result is that a dependence on food for comfort becomes the norm in many peoples' lives.
Many of them disregarded their health and lifestyle until they received a death sentence from their physician which caused them to give heed to advice they may have been receiving for years but had ignored or never really heard.
There are too many of us who still sit and watch television with a bag of chips, a donut and a soda. These types of things have become prominent in many peoples life because they have learned to use food as a substitute for bonding with people. They have come to enjoy their relationship with a cheeseburger more than one with people. Food is also often used as a means of managing stress or to enliven our emotions. It is just there for our enjoyment. After all, it is easier to get along with a cheeseburger than with people: it won't scold or belittle you, hurt your feelings or disappoint you. In reality the hurt is occurring in such a subtle way that the hurt is often not noticed until it is too late.
The hurt that many of the foods we eat manifests itself in the form of diminished health due to negative effects produced by the fat and cholesterol contained in them. Therefore, we must understand that even though food has its purpose in our lives, bonding with it is no substitute for fellowship with other people.
According to Dr. Susan Taylor, founder of the Center for Meditation Science, Inc. who holds a Ph.D. in Nutritional Biochemistry at Case Western Reserve Medical School and a MS in Human Nutrition with Columbia Medical School, B.A. Anthropology & Sociology- Lafayette College,
Easton, Pennsylvania, "every person has a unique flow of energy - an individual combination of physical, mental and emotional characteristics which make up our own constitution.. Dr. Taylor states that if we want to live a more fulfilled life, first we must know who we are. In order to stimulate our body's intrinsic healing system we must be able to understand and facilitate the connection between our mind and our body thus empowering us to reconnect with our core energy and be ourselves. The key to being our true self is to build a balanced life."
This renewed connection in turn promotes physical and mental rejuvenation that radically enhances the brain, body and mind by reducing stress through focused awareness. This awareness is what helps us to assimilate bonding relationships with others.
Building Relationships
There is no viable substitute for developing bonds with others. We all need attachments with others if we are to develop emotionally and psychologically as well as for our survival. From the moment of birth there is an innate need for closeness. Infants require the warmth and gentleness of their mother. In experiencing this closeness they develop an emotional bond that is like no other known to mankind. They learn to receive and give affection and to form enduring relationships. In this special bonding time they come to know that they are safe, that they will not be abandoned. They also sense that they are loved and valued.
An exclusive relationship that exists between a mother and her child. This relationship will lay the foundation for all other relationships for the rest of the child's life. In the closeness and security of this relationship the child learns to trust and love. If the relationship is not a close one, the child learns not to trust and often believes that he/she is all-alone in the world. Thus, creating within them a distant and inconsistent well. This inconsistence causes attachment deficits that often render the child to be indifferent.
Attachment deficits often manifest themselves in different forms. However, there is one common denominator, which is a lack of connectedness in their personal relationships. It can be said that the person was not "met where they were" in some way.
It may have been that the person was reared in an emotionally cold or unfriendly family structure. In these cases, the need for constancy was not met so the person often felt disconnected from the people who should have been closest to him.
Other situations are often more subtle, such as a family which appears to truly care and gives an outward demonstration of such caring yet is cold on the inside. This superficial caring is often cast to the side when painful situations arise. As such, the child often learns that he/she may only be attached to persons in the family when he/she has no needs or problems, which would cause a sacrifice on the part of another member in order to, met that need.
While love and parental concern are two of the greatest and most necessary ingredients for the successful parent, they are rarely sufficient. It is entirely possible for a parent to love a child totally, inwardly, and yet to act toward that child in ways hat do not reveal that love.
The traditional belief is that children who have been orphaned or neglected are the predominant victims of insufficient bonding in the early years. They lacked the necessary attachments needed to assure them of their worth.
However, as the economic structure has changed in the society, things are overindulging children because parents have more money than time to spend with them. As a result children are growing up financially secure, yet emotionally bankrupt. They are growing up in a world with little discipline or structure. We see the ramifications of such a society everyday as children who are over indulged are often emotionally lacking display a detachment as severe as children who are considered attachment disordered due to neglect, abandonment and poverty.
No Man Is An Island
Since God is a relational being and we were created in His image, we too are relational. We were created as relational beings and it does not matter who we are or what we may possess materially, we still need an emotional connection to other human beings. When we are outside of relationship, we lack the very essence that makes us who we are as a person. One of the most pervasive truths is that close connection with others is fundamental to our existence.
It has been said that no man is an island. Every person on the earth is related to someone else through family, associations, employment, religion and a myriad of other ways. At our very core we are relational beings and must be connected in some ay to others. In order to survive we draw on the resources of others for things that we do not have within ourselves nor can provide for ourselves without the assistance of someone else.
If we are to prosper and grow, we need to be connected to God and to one another. This connection fuels our transformation and causes us to blossom and bear fruit. Many times we find ourselves in a state of barrenness because we think that we can survive without other people. It is evidenced in some of our verbal expressions such as, "I can do it on my own; I don't need you; I don't need nobody."
As this attitude of emotional and spiritual isolation continues serious problems arise because with relationships to others we cannot be ourselves. This lack of relationship and bonding brings about alienation and a sense of emptiness that leads to pain, depression and hatred. Often times we remain in this state not understanding that it is the lack of relationship that is causing the pain and we are not willing to renew relationships in order to alleviate that pain.
This unwillingness leads to our tying to hold ourselves together not knowing that in order to do so we need the support of those whom we refuse to connect with. Therefore, we find that we remain alone and our world becomes increasingly chaotic. Truly, no man is an island for even an island must be in relationship even if it is with what is not like it (the ocean) otherwise it could not be what it is.
Bonding is the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It is the root of the addictive process through which the human race has pro-generated since the beginning of time. God, himself is a relational being and in creating the universe, he did so in a way that everything that was created is in relationship to something else specifically and everything as a whole. When the Lord God created mankind, He created him to bond in relationship with Him. Therefore bonding is part of our very essence.
Since we are created to bond, we will - in either a life or death-producing manner. If we cannot bond in loving relationships, we will bond in relationships that do not so love. God understands the need for mankind to bond, not only with him but also to bond with those like himself. This understanding was demonstrated when He created man in the Garden of Eden and said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make for him a helper comparable to him'. (Gen. 2:18 NKJV)
We were created with the need to bond, as part of our being there is also a process that we need to incorporate within ourselves in order to do so. That process includes a willing mind and the ability or willingness to be vulnerable, knowing that not every attempt at bonding will result in success.
Relationship Between The Mind And Body
During the past thirty-five years, many scientists have explored the multiple complexities in the interconnections between the human mind and the body. Anthropological, psychological and sociological studies that have been performed conclude that people who are at the lowest portions of the socio-economic scale, that is those who are encompassed in poverty, prejudice, long-term loneliness and job dissatisfaction, or who experience the loss of a loved one to a greater degree are more likely to be ill. They are also more likely to die than those who live a fulfilled in their social and interpersonal relationships.
Virtually every chronic illness; a sense of hopelessness, helplessness, fear, cynicism has at its source negative moods, attitudes and beliefs. These three are prominent in the detrimental effects that lead to poor health. Whereas, optimistic people are less likely to become ill or when they do, they tend to live longer and suffer less. This was an interesting finding because it confirms that a sense of control, sense of humor, courage and hopefulness can be and often is more beneficial than was once realized.
According to studies conducted at Yale by Stanislav Kasi, Ph.D., Professor of Epidemiology and Ellen Idler, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology at Rutgers, suggest that the conviction of ones health status - that is how well a person thinks he/she is may be the most accurate means of predicting their ell-being and future health. It would seem that this finding lends some credence to the old adage, mind over matter.
To further expound on it we must view some of the reported cases of people diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses who once having changed their habits, way of thinking, their diet and began to exercise. A number of cases have shown that these men and women are feeling better, functioning more effectively and living longer.
Using Food As A Friend
Often problems may begin as being biological, then as the problem continues to grow it involves other spheres such as the realm of the psychological being and vice-versa. These sorts of disturbances can result from a significant traumatic or emotional experience. The end-result is that a dependence on food for comfort becomes the norm in many peoples' lives.
Many of them disregarded their health and lifestyle until they received a death sentence from their physician which caused them to give heed to advice they may have been receiving for years but had ignored or never really heard.
There are too many of us who still sit and watch television with a bag of chips, a donut and a soda. These types of things have become prominent in many peoples life because they have learned to use food as a substitute for bonding with people. They have come to enjoy their relationship with a cheeseburger more than one with people. Food is also often used as a means of managing stress or to enliven our emotions. It is just there for our enjoyment. After all, it is easier to get along with a cheeseburger than with people: it won't scold or belittle you, hurt your feelings or disappoint you. In reality the hurt is occurring in such a subtle way that the hurt is often not noticed until it is too late.
The hurt that many of the foods we eat manifests itself in the form of diminished health due to negative effects produced by the fat and cholesterol contained in them. Therefore, we must understand that even though food has its purpose in our lives, bonding with it is no substitute for fellowship with other people.
According to Dr. Susan Taylor, founder of the Center for Meditation Science, Inc. who holds a Ph.D. in Nutritional Biochemistry at Case Western Reserve Medical School and a MS in Human Nutrition with Columbia Medical School, B.A. Anthropology & Sociology- Lafayette College,
Easton, Pennsylvania, "every person has a unique flow of energy - an individual combination of physical, mental and emotional characteristics which make up our own constitution.. Dr. Taylor states that if we want to live a more fulfilled life, first we must know who we are. In order to stimulate our body's intrinsic healing system we must be able to understand and facilitate the connection between our mind and our body thus empowering us to reconnect with our core energy and be ourselves. The key to being our true self is to build a balanced life."
This renewed connection in turn promotes physical and mental rejuvenation that radically enhances the brain, body and mind by reducing stress through focused awareness. This awareness is what helps us to assimilate bonding relationships with others.
Building Relationships
There is no viable substitute for developing bonds with others. We all need attachments with others if we are to develop emotionally and psychologically as well as for our survival. From the moment of birth there is an innate need for closeness. Infants require the warmth and gentleness of their mother. In experiencing this closeness they develop an emotional bond that is like no other known to mankind. They learn to receive and give affection and to form enduring relationships. In this special bonding time they come to know that they are safe, that they will not be abandoned. They also sense that they are loved and valued.
An exclusive relationship that exists between a mother and her child. This relationship will lay the foundation for all other relationships for the rest of the child's life. In the closeness and security of this relationship the child learns to trust and love. If the relationship is not a close one, the child learns not to trust and often believes that he/she is all-alone in the world. Thus, creating within them a distant and inconsistent well. This inconsistence causes attachment deficits that often render the child to be indifferent.
Attachment deficits often manifest themselves in different forms. However, there is one common denominator, which is a lack of connectedness in their personal relationships. It can be said that the person was not "met where they were" in some way.
It may have been that the person was reared in an emotionally cold or unfriendly family structure. In these cases, the need for constancy was not met so the person often felt disconnected from the people who should have been closest to him.
Other situations are often more subtle, such as a family which appears to truly care and gives an outward demonstration of such caring yet is cold on the inside. This superficial caring is often cast to the side when painful situations arise. As such, the child often learns that he/she may only be attached to persons in the family when he/she has no needs or problems, which would cause a sacrifice on the part of another member in order to, met that need.
While love and parental concern are two of the greatest and most necessary ingredients for the successful parent, they are rarely sufficient. It is entirely possible for a parent to love a child totally, inwardly, and yet to act toward that child in ways hat do not reveal that love.
The traditional belief is that children who have been orphaned or neglected are the predominant victims of insufficient bonding in the early years. They lacked the necessary attachments needed to assure them of their worth.
However, as the economic structure has changed in the society, things are overindulging children because parents have more money than time to spend with them. As a result children are growing up financially secure, yet emotionally bankrupt. They are growing up in a world with little discipline or structure. We see the ramifications of such a society everyday as children who are over indulged are often emotionally lacking display a detachment as severe as children who are considered attachment disordered due to neglect, abandonment and poverty.
No Man Is An Island
Since God is a relational being and we were created in His image, we too are relational. We were created as relational beings and it does not matter who we are or what we may possess materially, we still need an emotional connection to other human beings. When we are outside of relationship, we lack the very essence that makes us who we are as a person. One of the most pervasive truths is that close connection with others is fundamental to our existence.
It has been said that no man is an island. Every person on the earth is related to someone else through family, associations, employment, religion and a myriad of other ways. At our very core we are relational beings and must be connected in some ay to others. In order to survive we draw on the resources of others for things that we do not have within ourselves nor can provide for ourselves without the assistance of someone else.
If we are to prosper and grow, we need to be connected to God and to one another. This connection fuels our transformation and causes us to blossom and bear fruit. Many times we find ourselves in a state of barrenness because we think that we can survive without other people. It is evidenced in some of our verbal expressions such as, "I can do it on my own; I don't need you; I don't need nobody."
As this attitude of emotional and spiritual isolation continues serious problems arise because with relationships to others we cannot be ourselves. This lack of relationship and bonding brings about alienation and a sense of emptiness that leads to pain, depression and hatred. Often times we remain in this state not understanding that it is the lack of relationship that is causing the pain and we are not willing to renew relationships in order to alleviate that pain.
This unwillingness leads to our tying to hold ourselves together not knowing that in order to do so we need the support of those whom we refuse to connect with. Therefore, we find that we remain alone and our world becomes increasingly chaotic. Truly, no man is an island for even an island must be in relationship even if it is with what is not like it (the ocean) otherwise it could not be what it is.
Elder Franklyn T. Johnson is called to not only speak, but to
testify about God's Word and challenge you to apply God's truths in
every area of your life. The Lord has clearly called him to minister
time and talents in building relationships with churches where he speaks
and with those to whom he ministers.
With Psalm 119:105 as his guide, reaching people right where they are, at speaking events, and small groups. He offers real-life solutions to those who are striving to maintain life's balance, in spite of today's hectic pace and cultural pull away from godly principles. Wherever you may be on your spiritual journey, he desires to lead you one step closer to the heart of God.
Elder Franklyn T. Johnson is available to speak at your church, function, seminar/workshop or conference. For further information, you may E-mail him at: onlifesriver@aol.com or write to: Life's River Ministries, P.O. Box 10662, Goldsboro, NC 27532-0662 or http://www.LifesRiverMinistries.com
With Psalm 119:105 as his guide, reaching people right where they are, at speaking events, and small groups. He offers real-life solutions to those who are striving to maintain life's balance, in spite of today's hectic pace and cultural pull away from godly principles. Wherever you may be on your spiritual journey, he desires to lead you one step closer to the heart of God.
Elder Franklyn T. Johnson is available to speak at your church, function, seminar/workshop or conference. For further information, you may E-mail him at: onlifesriver@aol.com or write to: Life's River Ministries, P.O. Box 10662, Goldsboro, NC 27532-0662 or http://www.LifesRiverMinistries.com
