To love and be loved is wonderful. To have a partner who tells
you how "great" you are is fantastic. But when you expect too much of
your partner, to hear time and again that you are a wonderful person, a
great love, and so on and so forth - might ruin your relationship.
Expectations, after all, need to have boundaries as well. If you don't
know that, and if you put too many demands on your partner your are
likely to witness your relationship going down the drain.
At times, no matter how often your partner says to you how great you are, what you want to hear is what you are not being told. Such as, that you are creative, that you are being loved more than anyone else before you; that no one can ever compete with you love, affection and beauty.
Such a need, to hear, time and again, these comments and praises might be too extreme. This need might come out of a low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, of neediness. And if you don't work on these issues - or other related ones - you might end up sabotaging and hurting each and every relationship you might enter, for the simple reason that you might come across as too needy, too demanding, a person who is never satisfied.
Indeed, you may find a partner with whom you will feel that you have much in common. Two great minds think alike. Two lonely souls finding each other. Whether you come from a similar or different background; similar or different profession; and whether you have similar or different hobbies, all of these don't matter, as long as you feel you are attracted to one another and became "one".
But then, your obsessive need to hear you are being loved; your eagerness to hear it time and again; your inability to think, not even for a moment, that too much might be unrealistic and destroy your relationship, well, you might end up witnessing just that: the failing of your relationship.
If you walk around with a need to constantly hear from your partner that you are being missed when you are not together; that he/she thinks about you all the time; that each and every minute without you is a torture - such a need might eventually cause problems within your relationship. No one can constantly satisfy your needs and neediness, no matter how they love you.
So, if such a pattern is familiar to you; if you have experienced it time and again; it means that you need to work on your neediness, become more realistic in your expectations and become more satisfied with whatever your partner might offer you.
How do you do that? How do you go through such a change? You do so by making the effort to become aware of your behavior; by attempting to understand what issues might drive your behavior and making a decision to change.
This is when you will be able to find yourself in a truly long-lasting intimate relationship.
At times, no matter how often your partner says to you how great you are, what you want to hear is what you are not being told. Such as, that you are creative, that you are being loved more than anyone else before you; that no one can ever compete with you love, affection and beauty.
Such a need, to hear, time and again, these comments and praises might be too extreme. This need might come out of a low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, of neediness. And if you don't work on these issues - or other related ones - you might end up sabotaging and hurting each and every relationship you might enter, for the simple reason that you might come across as too needy, too demanding, a person who is never satisfied.
Indeed, you may find a partner with whom you will feel that you have much in common. Two great minds think alike. Two lonely souls finding each other. Whether you come from a similar or different background; similar or different profession; and whether you have similar or different hobbies, all of these don't matter, as long as you feel you are attracted to one another and became "one".
But then, your obsessive need to hear you are being loved; your eagerness to hear it time and again; your inability to think, not even for a moment, that too much might be unrealistic and destroy your relationship, well, you might end up witnessing just that: the failing of your relationship.
If you walk around with a need to constantly hear from your partner that you are being missed when you are not together; that he/she thinks about you all the time; that each and every minute without you is a torture - such a need might eventually cause problems within your relationship. No one can constantly satisfy your needs and neediness, no matter how they love you.
So, if such a pattern is familiar to you; if you have experienced it time and again; it means that you need to work on your neediness, become more realistic in your expectations and become more satisfied with whatever your partner might offer you.
How do you do that? How do you go through such a change? You do so by making the effort to become aware of your behavior; by attempting to understand what issues might drive your behavior and making a decision to change.
This is when you will be able to find yourself in a truly long-lasting intimate relationship.
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, and the author of: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship: Understanding Why You Fail in Your Relationships Over and Over Again and Learning How to Stop it!" . In the book you can find more than 200 real-life anecdotes: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Awareness-Guide-Successful-Intimate-Relationship/dp/143925141X/
