The divorce rate is quite high for those who spent decades
together hitting into mid-life. What exactly has gone so wrong in these
marriages? I think many of those couples who married in their
mid-twenties believed in more of an idealistic life. They would work,
buy a home, have children bring them up and then retire growing old
together. However many life events take place from the start to
retirement that put strain on a marriage. Things like possible illness,
deaths of those close, job losses, monetary problems, and variety of
other event's that can cripple a relationship. Perhaps having gone
through those trials and tribulations changes one or both partner's
ideologies. Then in mid-life what they wanted originally in their
twenties is not the same as now. They come to realize there is more
behind them then in front, and this mid-life crisis and menopause for
women is an extremely hard reflective period.
One must also consider that most likely the relationship had been put on the back burner for many years. The responsibilities of children and finances left little time for romance and nurturing the relationship. Probably they started growing apart not realizing it by keeping their routines and traditions intact. Once the kids were grown, just being them, the realization was this not the person I married. I'm sure many tried to compromise get that spark going again, but at the end of the day in most cases I've seen it doesn't work out in the long run. I know I'm painting a pretty gloomy picture of marriage, but in all fairness there are those who are truly happy together for their entire lives. Divorce statistics show 70,000 couples in 2008 broke-up, not all middle age people but that is a serious amount. Vows like in sickness and health until death do us part seem to be more words, or at the time they believed in what they were promising but life gets in the way I guess!
People I know who became divorced in their 40s and 50s are bitter, angry, and will only accept the concept of relationship if it is all in their favor. I'm not exactly sure yet if people can be together happily in a relationship for the entirety of their adult lives. The point is are experiences shape who we become and who we are, being married for decades those changes are inevitable. The difference between those who stay married and those who do not is simply growing together or growing a part. Marriage is hard work which doesn't always have immediate rewards for time served. My last comment on this topic is, if you are young found the person you want share the rest of your life with, then use your head as well as your heart. You'll be much happier and in doing so might have an extraordinary life long marriage!
One must also consider that most likely the relationship had been put on the back burner for many years. The responsibilities of children and finances left little time for romance and nurturing the relationship. Probably they started growing apart not realizing it by keeping their routines and traditions intact. Once the kids were grown, just being them, the realization was this not the person I married. I'm sure many tried to compromise get that spark going again, but at the end of the day in most cases I've seen it doesn't work out in the long run. I know I'm painting a pretty gloomy picture of marriage, but in all fairness there are those who are truly happy together for their entire lives. Divorce statistics show 70,000 couples in 2008 broke-up, not all middle age people but that is a serious amount. Vows like in sickness and health until death do us part seem to be more words, or at the time they believed in what they were promising but life gets in the way I guess!
People I know who became divorced in their 40s and 50s are bitter, angry, and will only accept the concept of relationship if it is all in their favor. I'm not exactly sure yet if people can be together happily in a relationship for the entirety of their adult lives. The point is are experiences shape who we become and who we are, being married for decades those changes are inevitable. The difference between those who stay married and those who do not is simply growing together or growing a part. Marriage is hard work which doesn't always have immediate rewards for time served. My last comment on this topic is, if you are young found the person you want share the rest of your life with, then use your head as well as your heart. You'll be much happier and in doing so might have an extraordinary life long marriage!
