What happened when your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you?
Did you beg or plead with them? Tell them to give you another chance? Promise to CHANGE?
Understand something: no matter what they told you, your ex broke up with you for a single reason: they're just not attracted to you anymore.
This attraction could be physical (i.e. you got lazy and let yourself go). It could be mental (you got crazy, jealous, or overly-controlling). It could be emotional (you abused your ex with words or actions). It could also be a combination of all three.
Still, in the end, they didn't see you as desirable anymore. The value you had at the beginning of the relationship was no longer there. The things that drew your boyfriend or girlfriend to you, and made them want to date you? They're gone, at least for now.
Re-creating the Original Attraction Your Lover had for You
Okay, now that you know why your relationship ended, you can take the next step forward. Because to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, we're going to use that same information to make your ex want you again.
Now, don't think I'm telling you to "change for someone". That's not what I'm saying. We've all heard a thousand times the phrases "don't try to change me" and "love me for who I am".
At the same time however, you can modify certain behaviors without changing the fundamental person you are. And in most cases, these behaviors probably changed over the course of your relationship, making your ex fall out of love with you.
Think about that for a minute. Were you jealous at the end, but in the beginning not at all? Were you crazy about controlling your ex, stalking their Facebook, checking their text messages, etc... but in the beginning of the relationship you trusted that person and never thought twice about those things?
If so, YOU CHANGED. Over the course of your romance, you got insecure. You got needy, or greedy, or grumpy. Whatever it was, it was different than when you first met your boyfriend or girlfriend. The very things that made them want in the beginning? They slowly went away.
There are SEVEN fast adjustments you can make to change your ex's opinion of you right now:
Take Care of Yourself
The first thing you and your ex noticed about each other was your physical appearance. And while looks aren't everything, if that initial physical attraction isn't there? There won't ever be a relationship in the first place.
Make absolutely sure your ex is still attracted to you by becoming that person they met in the beginning. If you gained weight? Lose it. If you dress sloppy? Buy some new clothes.
Exercise has amazing healing benefits, not only for your physical body, but for your emotional state as well. And joining a gym is social; you'll meet other like-minded people and you'll find yourself driven to exercise more.
Looking and feeling good is especially important if your ex is dating someone else. The good news is that you have a past history with them, and when they think back on the good times in that history, they envision you as you appeared in the beginning.
Always Stay Social
Wallowing in pity sucks. Locking yourself in your house because you feel heartbroken is a huge turnoff. So no matter what it takes? Drag yourself out into the sunlight and MEET PEOPLE.
Have old friends you haven't seen in a while? Call them. Relatives or cousins you lost touch with? Meet up and see them. Go new places, experience new things. Most of all, have a good time. The more social you appear and the more you're surrounded with other people? The more attractive you become in your ex's eyes.
Be a Leader, not a Follower
One of the fundamental components of charisma is leadership. If you think about that really cool, overly-charismatic friend you know? Chances are good they're always the one deciding where to go, and what to do next.
Leaders attract people. Fun, and even adventure, seems to follow everywhere they go. For women, men possessing leadership qualities are a huge Aphrodisiac. And as for men? Women who are leaders are attractive for the same reasons; they're interesting, independent, and much less insecure or needy.
Be Responsible for your Own Happiness
Ever hear friends who talk about their lover and say "this person is my whole world" or "I'd be lost without them?"
Yeah, that's bad. Your mate should be an integral part of your life, but NEVER you whole life. They should enhance it. Make it better. Make you a better person with them at your side.
That said, you need to be happy on your own. If your happiness depends on someone else, then instant sadness is only a breakup away. As you may already have realized.
Happy people are ALWAYS attractive. If you're out laughing, joking, and having a great time... all without your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? They'll look back at you and wonder how you could be getting along SO WELL without them. This makes them re-examine the breakup. It shakes their confidence. Were you a really great catch that they mistakenly let go? Looks that way, doesn't it?
Always Have Things to Do (Hobbies, etc... )
Interesting people are attractive. Boring people are not. Now, guess which one your ex boyfriend or girlfriend would rather date?
Think about the things you did before you met your ex. Now think about how little you might have done them while you were dating. Yes, dating takes up a lot of your free time. It's rewarding, sure, but odds are you probably dropped a few hobbies or even a sports team or two.
Make Sure You Have Concrete Goals
Men and women both desire mates who are going somewhere in life. Why? Because if your lover is going places, he or she is usually taking you with them.
Now examine where you are in life. If you're in school, do you have a plan for the future? For college, or maybe a career path?
If you're already out in the world, are you working? If not, that's terribly unattractive. If so, is your job something that will lead to bigger things, or could you actually do better?
It's very easy to get comfortable in a job or routine. As such, it's also easy to get lazy. If you're just 'existing' right now, your boyfriend or girlfriend might be looking for something more. But if you were to have actual goals, and start working toward them? That raises your value instantly and immensely.
Date Other People - Even if you do it Casually
This is probably the biggest motivating factor in making your ex want you back. Because if they love you even a little bit, and they suddenly see you with someone else? It instantly makes them re-evaluate you as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend again.
See, your ex probably knows he or she can have you back. Chances are good you've already told them this (or showed them). This makes them comfortable. It makes it so that they can continue being single, and enjoy the possibility of seeing other people, all while knowing they can get you back whenever they want.
Going out with other people takes that away from them. The confidence that you're still in love with them disappears all at once. They become unsure. They look at you again. And when they do look? You'll want to make sure you did the above six other things we've already talked about, so you appear totally attractive to them again.
Did you beg or plead with them? Tell them to give you another chance? Promise to CHANGE?
Understand something: no matter what they told you, your ex broke up with you for a single reason: they're just not attracted to you anymore.
This attraction could be physical (i.e. you got lazy and let yourself go). It could be mental (you got crazy, jealous, or overly-controlling). It could be emotional (you abused your ex with words or actions). It could also be a combination of all three.
Still, in the end, they didn't see you as desirable anymore. The value you had at the beginning of the relationship was no longer there. The things that drew your boyfriend or girlfriend to you, and made them want to date you? They're gone, at least for now.
Re-creating the Original Attraction Your Lover had for You
Okay, now that you know why your relationship ended, you can take the next step forward. Because to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back, we're going to use that same information to make your ex want you again.
Now, don't think I'm telling you to "change for someone". That's not what I'm saying. We've all heard a thousand times the phrases "don't try to change me" and "love me for who I am".
At the same time however, you can modify certain behaviors without changing the fundamental person you are. And in most cases, these behaviors probably changed over the course of your relationship, making your ex fall out of love with you.
Think about that for a minute. Were you jealous at the end, but in the beginning not at all? Were you crazy about controlling your ex, stalking their Facebook, checking their text messages, etc... but in the beginning of the relationship you trusted that person and never thought twice about those things?
If so, YOU CHANGED. Over the course of your romance, you got insecure. You got needy, or greedy, or grumpy. Whatever it was, it was different than when you first met your boyfriend or girlfriend. The very things that made them want in the beginning? They slowly went away.
There are SEVEN fast adjustments you can make to change your ex's opinion of you right now:
Take Care of Yourself
The first thing you and your ex noticed about each other was your physical appearance. And while looks aren't everything, if that initial physical attraction isn't there? There won't ever be a relationship in the first place.
Make absolutely sure your ex is still attracted to you by becoming that person they met in the beginning. If you gained weight? Lose it. If you dress sloppy? Buy some new clothes.
Exercise has amazing healing benefits, not only for your physical body, but for your emotional state as well. And joining a gym is social; you'll meet other like-minded people and you'll find yourself driven to exercise more.
Looking and feeling good is especially important if your ex is dating someone else. The good news is that you have a past history with them, and when they think back on the good times in that history, they envision you as you appeared in the beginning.
Always Stay Social
Wallowing in pity sucks. Locking yourself in your house because you feel heartbroken is a huge turnoff. So no matter what it takes? Drag yourself out into the sunlight and MEET PEOPLE.
Have old friends you haven't seen in a while? Call them. Relatives or cousins you lost touch with? Meet up and see them. Go new places, experience new things. Most of all, have a good time. The more social you appear and the more you're surrounded with other people? The more attractive you become in your ex's eyes.
Be a Leader, not a Follower
One of the fundamental components of charisma is leadership. If you think about that really cool, overly-charismatic friend you know? Chances are good they're always the one deciding where to go, and what to do next.
Leaders attract people. Fun, and even adventure, seems to follow everywhere they go. For women, men possessing leadership qualities are a huge Aphrodisiac. And as for men? Women who are leaders are attractive for the same reasons; they're interesting, independent, and much less insecure or needy.
Be Responsible for your Own Happiness
Ever hear friends who talk about their lover and say "this person is my whole world" or "I'd be lost without them?"
Yeah, that's bad. Your mate should be an integral part of your life, but NEVER you whole life. They should enhance it. Make it better. Make you a better person with them at your side.
That said, you need to be happy on your own. If your happiness depends on someone else, then instant sadness is only a breakup away. As you may already have realized.
Happy people are ALWAYS attractive. If you're out laughing, joking, and having a great time... all without your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? They'll look back at you and wonder how you could be getting along SO WELL without them. This makes them re-examine the breakup. It shakes their confidence. Were you a really great catch that they mistakenly let go? Looks that way, doesn't it?
Always Have Things to Do (Hobbies, etc... )
Interesting people are attractive. Boring people are not. Now, guess which one your ex boyfriend or girlfriend would rather date?
Think about the things you did before you met your ex. Now think about how little you might have done them while you were dating. Yes, dating takes up a lot of your free time. It's rewarding, sure, but odds are you probably dropped a few hobbies or even a sports team or two.
Make Sure You Have Concrete Goals
Men and women both desire mates who are going somewhere in life. Why? Because if your lover is going places, he or she is usually taking you with them.
Now examine where you are in life. If you're in school, do you have a plan for the future? For college, or maybe a career path?
If you're already out in the world, are you working? If not, that's terribly unattractive. If so, is your job something that will lead to bigger things, or could you actually do better?
It's very easy to get comfortable in a job or routine. As such, it's also easy to get lazy. If you're just 'existing' right now, your boyfriend or girlfriend might be looking for something more. But if you were to have actual goals, and start working toward them? That raises your value instantly and immensely.
Date Other People - Even if you do it Casually
This is probably the biggest motivating factor in making your ex want you back. Because if they love you even a little bit, and they suddenly see you with someone else? It instantly makes them re-evaluate you as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend again.
See, your ex probably knows he or she can have you back. Chances are good you've already told them this (or showed them). This makes them comfortable. It makes it so that they can continue being single, and enjoy the possibility of seeing other people, all while knowing they can get you back whenever they want.
Going out with other people takes that away from them. The confidence that you're still in love with them disappears all at once. They become unsure. They look at you again. And when they do look? You'll want to make sure you did the above six other things we've already talked about, so you appear totally attractive to them again.
There are other strong indications that your ex still has feelings for you, so find out what they are! And to fix things fast, check out these 4 other ways to make your ex want to date you again.
